Because I’m Stupid 2

Sir, yes, Sir!

EpicCupake reporting for duty!

Wow! Another post today? Go me!

So I’m finally back from my first volunteering experience in a shop. I was at the tip ALL DAY and let me tell you it is hard work. I mean, sometimes I’m just sitting there and there are no customers or just a few ‘window shopping’, but then other times there will be customer after customer and I was at the till by myself and I had absolutely no idea how to use it. The girl before me showed me the ropes, but it was all very confusing. There were a million and one buttons, so many codes to enter… The wasn’t bar codes or anything on donated goods so most of it I had to select what it was and write the price. Which was actually quite difficult because I didn’t know what anything was. I couldn’t tell if some clothes where men’s or women’s or children’s, I couldn’t tell what to putt hoodies and cardigans under. At some point I just selected random stuff and it didn’t really matter because most people didn’t care for receipts.

There was this one lady who I felt sorry for. She was only buying something one pound and I pressed the wrong thing on the till and there’s no return button and I was panicking and the lady just eventually gave me the pound and said it was okay, that she didn’t need a receipt. I was relieved… until I realised I had to sort out this son of a till for the next customer. Hahhhhhhhhhhhhhh… It was tiring…

There was this other lady who kept making me call the manager and I felt so bad because the bell was so loud and annoying and (because of this customer) constant. I also failed yet again when this lady asked if she could wrap up the plate and I started panicking because I had no idea what to use. So I called the manager yet again and she said to use the newspaper under the till. I smiled awkwardly and told her I wasn’t really sure how to wrap it. I don’t think she got what I was hinting at (as well as blatantly saying) so in the end the woman had to wrap it herself. At least she was nice about it.

I remember at one point the manager came to ask me a favour. I thought she wanted me to help with the stock in the back or something, but then I saw her writing something on a piece of paper:

Chicken nuggets

Salad

…She was writing her lunch order. I had to go to the fish and chip shop and buy her lunch… I hope she didn’t my bewildered expression. She probably did. I just couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t angry, just really surprised. And while I was in that chip shop smelling the golden brown chips as they cooked, I felt like punching myself. I hadn’t brought any lunch. I hadn’t brought any money. The last time I had eaten was about nine. I WAS STARVING. I didn’t leave till sometime past five and it was cold and raining and the bus times were deceiving me and I was just so hungry!

I can be so stupid sometimes.

But there were donuts and dinner waiting for me at home 🙂

That’s enough for today.

I’m exhausted.

~EpicCupcake signing out.

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Always Read the Label

It’s been FOREVER but I’ve actually been quite busy in my life. It seems that I’m getting involved in a lot of things at college etc. and it’s weird because I’m not that kind of person. I’m lazy.

Just a little update if you’re curious about what I’ve been up to before I get to the point of the post:

I’ve finally decided that I’m going to take that leap of faith and try my luck with medicine. I feel now that this is the way I would like to spend the rest of my life (or at least career) helping people. But as you know, medicine is extremely tough to get into. As well as having ace grades, you must do a million work placements and volunteering and come across as a friendly, outgoing breath of fresh air during your interview.

As you probably already know, I am not the least bit outgoing and am extremely shy. Even so, I will not let that stand in my way. I’ve realised that dreams don’t come true just like that. They need work and effort. Sweat and tears. I believe that I can get there if I really try.

So I’ve got a new primary school volunteering placement which is a lot more helpful because not only is it literally a 20 minute walk from my house, but I get to help the kids one-on-one (you know, which reading and maths and stuff) which is useful. I also got offered an after school job where I’d actually get PAID. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but I excited to finally get some money! I’m now one step closer to independence. 🙂

I’ve also volunteered to help my college’s chaplain (or however you spell it) and I’ve been randomly chosen for this program where I have to help other classmates and basically be like a tutor. I think… I only got the letter not long ago so I’m not really sure what it’s about but if it gives me leadership skills and makes me less shy then what else matters?

Of course I’m still a long way away from my goal. I’m planing to do at least five voluteering or work experience placements before I send in applications or go to interviews, but, you know, I’m getting there. I just need to stay positive!

Positive!

Now back to the topic at hand.

The other night I caught this movie/project/one episode drama… I don’t know what to call it actually. It’s called Cyberbully and it’s this relatively short movie based in only one room with only a handful of characters.

The main character Casey finds a mean tweet about her on this guy’s twitter (I’m gonna assume he was her ex-boyfriend) and her friend Alex helps her hack his account and write something about him. Only Alex isn’t the one messaging her. It’s a mysterious individual who wants to get back at Casey because of what she did. And what did she do? Well you’ll have to watch to find out. But I’ll tell you this:

What I learned from the movie is that cyberbullying comes in different forms and while something may not seem that bad because you’re only doing it as a joke and because everyone does it so it’s the norm, it may hurt someone. I guess it’s different being on the other side of the bullying. While the bully may be doing it as a joke, the person being bullied may see it as something else. And we don’t even know they’re situation. They could have experienced a death, may be suffering from a serious illness, could be in an abusive relationship… And when the bullying piles on on top of all the pain and suffering, life just gets to hard to live and then…

I don’t have to finish that sentence.

Anyway, I’m not saying this cause I think you’re a bully. I don’t truly know you so I can’t judge. I’m only stating what I’ve learnt from the movie, or rather, I stating how my perspective has changed… if that makes sense. I’ve realised that the little things can mean a lot. I’m also trying to say that it’s a good movie, a little scary and upsetting, but good nonetheless.

Still, I wish I had read the description. If I had seen the word ‘thriller’ I wouldn’t have watched it at night by myself *shivers*. It’s not that scary; I’m just a scaredy-cat.

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Social Anxiety: The Battle Continues

This is really cute :3

As you may or may not know, I am currently suffering from social anxiety or something similar to that I don’t know it’s not like I was diagnosed or anything…

Aaaaanyway, Since I started this blog, I think I have definitely made some progress though I’m still a long way off.

I hate the fact that I’m quiet and can’t think of anything to say. Literally the only things that come out of my mouth are puns… I ccan be so boring sometimes…

I’m still attempting to make good friendships in college. I was hoping to get close to the guy who sat next to me in chemistry but then the seating plan changed 😦 but the girl I’m sitting next to is really friendly and I get along with her, but the only thing is that she doesn’t watch anime… Oh well…

It’s getting harder and harder to speak in lessons. Every is getting so familiar to everyone else and yet I hardly know anyone’s name. My physics class is so chummy even though they met only just in September. Somehow I feel like an outcast, sitting there quietly while everyone else screeches like monkeys… Well you get what I mean…

I’m always jealous at how my other friends talk to people in their classes outside of class, while I only talk to one person. Well, one person is better than none so I shouldn’t complain.

I have no idea how to crank up the socialising… setting (?) but I think now I should just focus on my studies cause I’ve been ill for three days and all hell is going to break loose pretty soon when I find out what I must catch up on…

Arrggh! Education!

But ti’s not all bad- the social anxiety I mean. I’m not sure if I mentioned this earlier (actually I probably didn’t) but I now help out in the local primary school (local as in, to my college, not my home) and the Peanut of before would have screamed and hid in the corner. And let me tell you, when I found out I was to help out in a class by myself (not with anyone from my college) I did feel like screaming and hiding. Every pair of eyes were on me as I stepped inside and I felt so self-conscious. I mean, as well as not being good with kids, I hadn’t the first idea how I was supposed to help out.

But eventually I was like ‘Damn girl, breathe!’ and I calmed down and I helped out the kids and even talked to them. Now I’m already familiar with a few, I’m less nervous and… I found out that working with kids is kind of fun, which was a nice surprise because I signed myself up for this by accident (don’t even ask…)  I don’t know why I got so shy in the first place. Of course, I’m still shy now, just a lot lot lot less. Even when I broke into a coughing fit (asthma) I didn’t feel hot with embarrassment.

There are still odd moments like when I got lost and ended up making a fool of myself in front of the teacher next door yet again. My friend was helping out in that class and told me that the teacher asked if I was okay or something. I will never enter that class again. Ever.

Now it’s time for a new challenge. I didn’t actually think of this- my friend Tori did. We decided to set up a Chemistry society and I still don’t know what she plans to do in it, but it’s along the lines of a revision thing plus some chemistry outside our syllabus (yay!). The two of us have to present it on our own, without any teachers, in front of a whole bunch of students. This’ll be nerve-wrecking but as long as Tori’s there and as long as I don’t pee myself, I’ll be fine. I’ve got this. Yep…

And so the battle continues…

~EpicCupcake signing out.