Peanut’s Oddities

EDIT: I was supposed to post this last night but it didn’t upload for some reason. I’m uploading it now because I spent a good long time sitting on the floor in darkness to write this (don’t ask)
I feel a bit guilty today.
You see, I got my progress report yesterday, and yeah this isn’t very modest, but it was really good and I felt relieved. Perhaps I was working hard. But today I COMPLETELY procrastinated so I felt like I was taking it easy and being a bit big-headed. Oh well, what’s done is done. From Monday onwards I’ll be doing some hardcore revision! I’ll even do some this weekend too!

Back to the topic.
This is a really random post, but today (or rather tonight because I’m still doing this nightly posting… That is, until my internet runs out…) I’m going to talk about some of my weird habits, just so you can know more about me and the weirdo I am. 🙂 So, what shall I write first?

1. I pace around every morning at six o’clock.
Just because I’m brushing my teeth really. There’s no other reason to pace around at 6 am. But it’s not just the morning. I pace at random times, especially when I’m getting changed after coming home from school. I just can’t seem to stay in one place! In fact, just now before I started writing, I was pacing back and forth, into my room and out. I thought it was weird and I tried to stop, but I got this kind of tingling feeling in my legs so I just continued.
But, you know, when I pace, I’m normally deep in thought, which explains why I get a lot of my story ideas when I’m brushing my teeth. Even just walking to school gets my brain working and I think a lot about science and philosophy and attempt to conjure up theories to explain things. I sometimes come up with bizarre ideas though.

2. When it comes to speaking, I won’t open my mouth if the person is three or more meters away from me.
It’s a little rule I have for no reason whatsoever but I hate breaking it. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I break it sometimes, though rarely, in cases where the person speaks to me. It would just be horrible not to reply.

3. Another rule similar to this is to not turn around if someone calls my name.
I have to wait until they say it twice, even if I’m fairly close (in terms of friendship, not distance) to them. It’s weird though, because there’s no one in my year with my name…

4. I give different types of cutlery numerical values to satisfy my need for order.
Basically, you know how, when you wash dishes, you put the cutlery in these two little box thingies that let them dry. Well, I always make sure that the ‘values’ on both sides are equal and when they’re not, I start shifting them around, changing the individual values and whatnot. It can be really frustrating sometimes.

5. I’m scared of turning off the light.
I know being afraid of the dark is normal, but it’s not that. In fact, right now I’m sitting on the floor in darkness which is, now that I think about it, pretty spooky, but I’m pretty much over my fears of the dark. No, what I’m talking about is when I’m walking up to my room for some reason and notice that someone’s left their light on. I’d feel guilty for leaving it on and wasting electricity, so I go to turn it off but before I can flick the switch, I feel uncomfortable; like someone’s watching me. And that if I turn the light off, they’ll be angry, so I leave the light on and pretend I was never there. 

6. I hardly answer the phone.
I’m too scared to, so I go to great efforts to avoid answering it. I’m so good at ignoring it that sometimes I don’t even hear the phone ringing!

7. I check the corners of the ceiling before I sleep.
No, I’m not scouting for vampires. No, something much worse… Spiders… They scare the life out of me and there’s nothing that unsettled me more than a spider. Not even public speaking!

8. I pick my nails.
It’s a habit that I started a very very long time ago. Back when my eczema was really bad, my nails would be full with dead skin from all the scratching and the oils and creams I used only made the contents of my nails worse. Nowadays, my eczema isn’t so unbearable so my nails aren’t as bad, but the habit stayed with me. I’m always picking the tiniest bit of dirt from my nails so they are actually pretty clean. And even when they are clean, I still pick them because it’s something that I have to control over. I especially do it when I’m listening to someone or when I’m bored or when I’m nervous or just randomly. And it doesn’t help that my nails are long because that only encourages me to do it.
Gosh, I hope you don’t think I’m gross now.

9. I rarely call people by their name.
I don’t five nicknames either. It just feels so uncomfortable to call someone by their name and it doesn’t help that I’m a socially awkward person. When I do call people’s names, I say it in a soft voice as I normally do when talking to people in general. Some people don’t apply to this ‘rule’ so I guess it’s not that bad… Still, I don’t know how I’ll my teachers by their names in college. That’ll be hell.

10. I always have a ‘spot’.
It’s no surprise that people compare me with Sheldon Cooper and it’s not just because of my love of quantum physics and… physics in general. For every place I stay in repeatedly for a long, I have a spot. In my form room, I have two spots which allows me to have an alternative which is better because before, I had one spot and would actually challenge anyone who sat there. It’s the same at home as well and probably other places, like in the hall during an assembly. I normalsly sit I’m the third seat at the front and last week another form got there before us and my space was taken. I was heart broken. Okay, maybe I was that upset…

So those are some weird things about me! Believe it or not, it was hard to come up with this list, probably because I’m so weird that a lot of these things seem normal to me.

Well I’ll stop here because the floor is very uncomfortable and I’m cold. And tired. I’m always tired…
Till next time.


signing out.


Just a life update…

… Nothing much.

So, how are you, lost traveller? Today, I’ve been feeling quite happy and what’s strange is that I’m still weirdly happy, because normally I feel like shit at the end of the day. And now that I think about it (which I really shouldn’t) I have a lot of things to be sad about.
I lost my pen, my folding 30cm and my P.E kit and I can’t get back to school till november. :/
If the school are stupid enough to throw it away then, yeah, that’s pretty serious, but hey, I’ve got a back up kit! All I need now are trainers…
The second thing, or person, is Backstabber. The other day I was pretty upset about the whole not-fitting-on-to-any-friendship-groups thing and I also felt unusual strong feelings of hate towards her so didn’t sit next to her in English. I’m not sure whether or not that was the reason she shot me death stares throughout the day but I can tell she was angry. I don’t feel guilty though; she totally embarrassed me in chemistry the other day and it really hurt. And not only that, but she also told something to my sister that I told her in confidence as if it were a light matter. That made me furious. If you ask me, she deserved whatever she’s feeling now.
Do you know what I found out today about her? My friend who’s been really supportive and nice to me, let’s call her Cinnamon because I feel that somehow suits her, told me that Backstabber came up to her and said that she won’t be her friend anymore because she’s my friend. We were really angered by this. She was practically threatening her. Cinn said  that she didn’t have the right to tell her who to be friends with and I said that regardless of whether they are friends with your so called ‘enemy’, if you’re a true friend, it wouldn’t matter. Oh well, ‘good riddance’ I say. No one needs people like that.
You know, I think that’s the reason why my friend, the other girl she hangs out with, alongside Mandy, has stopped talking to me. She doesn’t even look at me and the only way Backstabber knows her if through me and Mari (she was actually Mari’s best friend… It’s funny how things turn out, ne?) who Backstabber also disowned.
But you know the reason I’m not bothered? Why the physical manifestations (mostly shortage of breath and feelings of sickness in some cases)? It’s because I had one of those moments when you look on one of your problems and worries and think ‘was I really stressing over this…?’ I hate to say it, since I’ve been her friend for almost half a decade, but she’s kind of pathetic and I don’t mean that in an offensive way. It’s just that when I look at her sometimes, I think about a little puppy trying to get out of a box thrice it’s size and trying to do so without any help when it’s just right there, within reach.
I wasn’t just imagining it at open day, she is lonely, despite whatever airs she puts on when I’m around and she’s with Mandy laughing her head off. If I could count the number of times she glanced and stared at me and looked like she just tripped over and landed in dog poo and quickly ran out of lessons to avoid me, just today, you’d be surprised. In Spanish, I loudly called my teacher, not so Backstabber could hear me, but just so I could get my quick question answered before the controlled conditions started. I might as well have called out just to annoy,Backstabber because she was truly shooting me daggers then and I had to stop myself laughing- what I do when I feel uncomfortable, but it was kind of funny, the face she made at least.

Sometimes I wish that I could tell her that it’s her loss, but there wouldn’t be a point, she won’t learn and I doubt she will.

I feel that even though I will again feel pain about this and cry about not fitting in, I think the worst is over and that I have a nice,future to look forward to as long as I  learn the lessons that I’ve been taught in the experience.

The lessons? I’m in no position to give life lessons being the way I am, but I feel that these are very important.
The first is to never invest in one particular friendship; it doesn’t work… at all… The second is to look at your worries realistically. The third is to let things go, but remember that it takes time to heal. There’s also no point in trying to act as if you’re okay. It’s emotionally exhausting and only make it worse. It’s better to about your problems regularly and try not to hold back, but don’t overwhelm people with your problems. Overwhelming should be left for blogs and diaries. 😉

Well, I’ll just focus on my school work for now as well as my friendships. I’ll try not to worry about bs because she’s not worth the trouble. Sorry if I don’t blog for a while over these next few months; I’ll be doing my mocks soon, but down stay clear of my blog for a few months  because I will post for definite.

I’m tired now.

signing out.