Just My Luck…

Hello.

Sorry, I’m not in a good mood so this post is gonna be a little morose.

So now I know what heartbreak feels like.

It’s not nice.

It’s horrible.

God, it’s making me feel so empty and hollow.

Today I just found out that Phoenix is actually going out with someone. For four months now.

When I initially heard, I was with my friends cause one of my friends was telling me, because she had forgotten that I had a crush on her.

I kept my cool. I didn’t burst into tears. My friends were all like ‘Are you alright?’ and I was like ‘Oh well, I knew she didn’t like me in the first place so there’s no need to be miserable about it.’. And that really surprised me because soon after, I walked off to my maths lesson and kept my head on the table the whole time while I cried silently.

This went on for the rest of the day. Me being miserable. In my bio lesson I tried to cheer up a bit, and I did, but literally after that I really couldn’t hold it in for much longer.

I pasted Phoneix on the way out of college. She said hi. I had to say hi back despite the fact I dashed out of my lesson to avoid seeing her (you know, so I wouldn’t burst into tears right there on the spot). It was even worse when I played my music like I normally do to and from college and it started playing ‘Happy Together’. A song that would remind me of her. That really didn’t help things.

I managed to hold most of it in till I got home and it literally just all burst out and I was crying and crying and my music was playing and then I was crying and singing and wailing and feeling bad for the neighbours and… gosh…

I guess it’s my fault for falling so deeply for her. I was practically in love with her. I really was. And even though I’m trying to resolve to move on, I know part of me wont let me. No, not part of me- all of me. I know it’s unhealthy to have these lingering feelings but I just can’t help it! It’s her fault for being so perfect and awesome and beautiful. :/

Aaaaaaaaahhhh moooouuuuu… I don’t feel like crying anymore. I have to watch some anime or something…

Happy Friday the 13, everyone… This is just my luck.

~EpicCupcake, signing out.

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I Have a Thing For Curly Hair…

Cats are so frickin’ cute…

Imagine if for your whole life you thought you were a boy and then one day you found out that your parents were lying to you and that you are, indeed, a girl…

I don’t why I brought that up. That has nothing to do with today’s post but it just came into my head so I thought ‘What the heck, might as well…’

The topic isn’t something I normally talk about because it’s always been an awkward topic for me. Plus I don’t care that much about- talking about it, I mean. Today I’m going to be talking about hair love and relationships.

The reason I’m bringing up this topic now is because of a disagreement Tori and I have been having. There’s this guy that she likes and she thinks he’s super hot but I don’t see it. His eyes are really pretty, but that’s about it. To show her what true hotness looks like, I showed her this guy in my maths class who I sit behind and constantly stare at. I think he’s noticed me staring at him, because I always try to catch a glimpse of him face… He must think I’m a weirdo… But the first time I saw him, I was totally taken by him and I thanked the Lord that I dropped further maths and took mechanics (and bio). In my opinion, this guy looks like an angel. I cannot use mere words to describe him… and yet Tori goes ahead and uses the word ‘okay’. She says he’s ‘okay’. I tell her she needs to get her eyes checked causes he’s an 11, not a 5.I mean, he has GORGEOUS dark curly hair and a beautiful face and even the back of his head is cute. He’s got this cute voice and his laugh is really loud but for some reason I find that cute too.

He’s just awesome, okay? Awesome. Tori thought he was transgender cause he’s too feminine. I told her I was sure he didn’t have boobs or anything but I do have to admit, I suspect he’s gay.I feel silly thinking that just because his voice reminds me of every gay youtuber I know and because he looks effeminate. I don’t like to give into stereotypes mostly because I hate it when people turn assumptions into facts. I’m a scientist- I don’t work that way. But recently, I keep thinking that I have a really good gaydar because I swear, every guy I lust over turns out to be gay… I do kinda wish he were gay (he’d make the PERFECT uke) but also not because I’d never have a chance with him (#fujoshi_problems… why did I just hashtag…) At this rate I won’t ever get a boyfriend…

But back to my main point… relationships. I remember back in high school and even back in primary school how important relationships were. I remember talking about how far we had gotten with boys (In primary school too). Since all the other girls were interested in boys, it had become one of my life long goals to get a boyfriend. I know, how lame… But can you blame me when the word ‘boyfriend’ is all I’ve ever heard since I was a young girl.

When I finally realised that I didn’t really want a boyfriend, I thought I was asexual for 2 years. But then I realised that wasn’t it- I just didn’t want to get into a relationship because I hadn’t found someone I really liked. Now get ready for some sappy emotional stuff.

But then I did find someone I cared for a lot and I know this isn’t going to sound convincing after talking about how I’ve been lusting over the guy in my maths class. I met Phoenix. And ,yes, I had known her three years prior to that time but it was two year ago that I began to see the real her and I’m not going to spend the rest of this post talking about how awesome she is but I just have to say this.

I know this sounds absolutely stupid because I’m only 16, but I really do think that she is the one, that we are meant to be together and I can’t tell you why cause that complicated and confidential stuff and, not to mention, embarrassing. I just feel different towards her, like I’ve never  felt towards anyone else. It feels like she’s the most important person in my life, that she keeps me hanging in there and I always want to be by her side- to help her, to listen to her, to be there for her. Since I started liking her, I don’t care about being with anyone else. It’s like she’s the only one for me and everyone else (potential boy/girlfriends) is irrelevant.

I think I should stop there before this post gets weirder…

I’m not going to say whether this is love or not because I literally have zero experience in that field.

Plus I might explode with cringe overload if I do.

I just wanted to share my thoughts.

I apologise for the lack of posts lately. I have my mocks in 2 weeks so I’m like ‘REVISE REVISE REVISE!!!’ It’s a boring life…

I’ll be sure to post at some point between now and then. I may not have time though… If you’re into anime/manga, be sure to check out my other blog. My reviews are fairly short so they don’t take long to write so I might have time for those.

Be sure to check it out.

And don’t forget to… eat your veggies…

Yeah…

~EpicCupcake signing out.