Sayonara, the me of 2013. Make way for 2014!

What will you change?

What will you change?

I’m kind of excited for the new year… but that excitement will end when I get back to school. Ugh… Sorry, I just keep complaining.

But really, I want to make things right. for years I’ve been the same inflexible, annoying, aloof, contradictory person and I really, seriously, want to change. I’ve been having this little battle with myself. One side wants to open the door to new things and the other wants to keep it shut. But I know I can’t stay the way I am so I’m determined to do it.

One thing I want to eliminate is my fear of socialising. I think it’s a little out of hand that now phones are my worst enemy. This will probably be the hardest, but I’ve got to try because college is coming by sooner than I expected. I mean, I allow my eyes to wonder of the clock for a moment in year 5 five and then suddenly BOOM! I’m in high school. I’ve probably wrote this a million times before, but I cannot for my life talk or be around boys. If it’s only one or two and they seem friendly, I’m a little shy but I’ll talk. Shove me in a large group, collection, gathering, sea of boys and then we have a problem.

I’ve been doing more research lately and I’ve got some idea of stuff I have to change. My body language is one thing. I have to smile more (though, believe it or not, some say that I smile too much…) and I have to be less stiff. I did some indian dancing for my school’s international evening in year 8 and I reckon that my movements were smooth and fluid, I think. A month or so ago, I went to my neighbour’s baby shower and every came to the middle and did this dance and I was stiffer than a robot. It was sooooo embarrassing. I feel like crying thinking about it… :/

I also have to learn to be able to start and sustain conversation. I’m probably the world’s worst conversationalist and when people talk to me, all the get from it is awkward silence. Exactly the reason I don’t getting the bus with people I’m not familiar with. I only have random crap to talk about and science and anime/manga. In that way, you could say that I’m not that interesting – at least when it comes to movies, tv shows, music, relationships and… just about everything else… I’m going to try to speak to those I sit next to more. I’ve got to have conversations outside of my head rather than inside my head. I’ve got to open my mouth even if it kills me! Actually, it would be pointless if it killed me…

Then comes the easier stuff. I’m aiming to become healthier. I know I said this earlier and I’ve actually stopped being healthy since a few weeks ago… But it’s good that I kept it up that long so I think it can’t get any worse, it’ll probably get better! In 2014 I want to grow out my hair, have nice skin and probably lose a few pounds around my thighs so I can wear my favourite jeans again! I’ll probably do none of those things but, to start with, I’ll start to go on random walks on saturdays. Normally I’d just stay in and read manga but this holiday, I’ve read everything readable and now I’m dead bored.

In January, I’m going to get the results of my mocks in this scary big envelope and I’m kind of worried. That’s why, in 2014, I’m going to take my revision more seriously and invent cool new ways to revise so it doesn’t bore me to death. My exams are in 6 months and believe me, that time will come quicker than you expect.

And in addition to the ‘new’ me, if it ever shows up… (or exists), I will let go the things that hold me back. Regrets, Sorrow and all that fudge, I’ll tie it to a firework and watch them explode into a million pieces. Now, I have a lot of regrets. That gigantic water balloon I planned to throw on my sister that I drop on the floor by the computer and ended up soaking not only the study but also myself. The lame way I acted when I was auditioning for ‘Are You Smarter Than A Ten Year Old’ because I was shy. Shouting ‘I’M HUNGRY’ and continuously complaining once on holiday and being filmed (my family all laugh at me when they watch it, but I was young at foolish). Drinking sprite after eating spicy rice a number of times. I’ve done a lot of foolish things, though from the top of my head, I can think of two regrets that have troubled me alot. One of them troubled me over a couple of years, the other… well you know the whole Grace situation though, it’s a little complicated than that. But I’ll end the year with them and start the new year without them. They’ll stay in the past because that’s where they belong. And I won’t look back.

So! A summary?

  1. Overcome social phobia and be more like a teenager! Maybe make new friends? Learn the ways of the sociable. I’ll aim for 100 points on the challenge (16 so far)
  2. Improve my health and wear my jeans again
  3. Study well and in an odd and creative way. A board game? I like games so…
  4. Let go of my regrets. Explode them and throw the remains up and watch them flutter down like confetti doing a little victory dance! Yes!

And a penalty if I don’t do any of these.

  1. A whole week without manga/anime (I’ve done it once… it’s was absolutely, positively horrible…)
  2. 50 push up for everything I don’t do
  3. 5 slaps for ever push up I don’t do

That’s what I’ll do this time next year if I fail to keep this promise. (I’ll start 2015 with bloody cheeks…)

And you too! Any new year resolutions? Set a brutal punishment for yourself next new years like… no internet for a month. Actually, no, that could kill someone… I’d rather do the push ups. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re probably not as lazy and inflexible as me…

Happy New Year for when midnight strikes! Odds are that I’ll be counting down along with you and playing animal crossings. Or screaming as my brother pulls my hair or attempts to eat my forehead… That made me laugh… Okay! Enough for this post! I don’t need to take anymore of your time. Thanks for reading!

~EpicCupcake signing out. (for the last time the year!)

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Merry Christmas!

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Okay, it’s only Christmas Eve, but I’ve been itching to make a post since I haven’t made one in, like, a decade.

This holiday has been hardly a holiday. I’ve been either stuck at home babysitting my brother or dragged outside into the cold to do Christmas shopping in the rain. To think that Christmas is only in a couple of hours and I haven’t really had any time to myself. The only time I’ve had to myself was when I was sleeping. Seriously. I’ve been waking up as late as possible everyday until my back starts to ache and stomach starts grumbling. But I don’t even feel hungry during the holidays. Today I had hot chocolate and mini yumyums for breakfast and McDonalds for dinner. No lunch. I didn’t even feel hungry, but I wanted to eat anyway to get my mind off shopping.

Gosh, I hate shopping.

And now that I’ve started ranting, I’d like to add this: Whenever holidays approach, I become ill. Almost 100% of the time. It’s not even funny. Something always happens. On the last day of school this term, I caught a cold when my school’s concert choir had to sing in front of ks4. I was right at the front with snot dripping from my nose like drops of water from a tap. I didn’t have any tissue. Best day to forget my tissue… Luckily, I was on the bus with Phoenix that day and she gave me a tissue. How kind. I mean it. I’m not being sarcastic or anything. I honestly felt like crying. But I didn’t. Funny how we were on the bus together on the last day of a term on the upper deck. Just like the last day of school last school year. I don’t know if that’s funny or scary.

My cold or whatever seemed to get better until I went out again with my mum and sister to buy chocolates for friends and family.My eyes were itchy, my nose was running (but at least I came prepared!!) and I just happened to run into someone in my school. I didn’t even recognise her at first and I’m not sure if it was due to my poor eyesight, her strange new cool hairstyle that she didn’t have that morning or my disorientation. Well, whatever it was, I was still embarrassed when I stared right at her, wondering if it was her, deciding it wasn’t and then finding her saying hi to me the next minute. So embarrassing. Plus, I was walking around aimlessly with a pack of doughnuts in my hand. It made me feel so fat, but I couldn’t leave them behind. I love doughnuts. If I ever become fat, it will be Asda’s fault.

Also, this holiday, I have already been injured twice (or thrice, I’m not counting): when my little brother took a spoon and tried to ‘feed’ me and ended up jabbing me in the gum. I was bleeding. The other time was when I was running upstairs. I skipped two stairs and banged my toe. My nail ripped and I was rolling around on the floor, squealing in pain.

But what has any of this got to do with Christmas? I really should just stop ranting about my not-very-christmas-y holiday and start making it better and baking cupcakes. That’ll make me feel better.

But wrapping up coal, addressing it to my dad, dropping it under the tree and watching his expression as he opened it would definitely cheer me up. Too bad I already got him a present… Oh well, there’s next year! 😛

Merry Christmas! Hope you have a wonderful day full of eating, opening presents and procrastinating!

~EpicCupcake signing out.