The Other Side of Me

Who is this

I’ve been thinking about something lately, and it just popped into my head a few moments ago when I was sending a story off to Cinnamon (via email) for her to read (but mostly check). Back in primary school, expressing my emotions was never a problem for me. If you made me mad, you’d know it straight away. Back then, emails were pretty popular in my school and we’d spend ages online chatting to friends by email (who knows why we never used MSN or something. Thinking back, it kind of seems stupid…) Of course, now with BBM, What’s App etc. emails are almost a thing of the past. I’m pretty sure the people in my year only use their emails for facebook and sending files. If that’s not the case, well then… I guess it’s just me.

I’ve been writing since I was in primary school, but it only became serious when I started high school. I began to realise that I was able to express myself well in my writing, so I wrote a lot since I wasn’t able to express myself in school. Writing always reveals this other side of me. It reveals this girl who seems to have a lot to say. A girl who loves to amuse her readers by casually slipping puns her and there. A girl with a lot of ideas who radiates them confidently.

A girl who seems foreign to me.

I’m sure if I showed someone my writing, someone who doesn’t know me that well (that would be almost all most of the people in my year) they’d be pretty surprised with what they found. That’s why, when I was writing a quick message in that email, I wasn’t sure how to word it.

I quite private, you know. I try and show certain people certain personalities. Right now I’m showing you my ‘default’ personality. My ‘normal’ personality, if that makes sense. I’m being pretty open. But showing different personalities to different people, doesn’t it seem kind of fake? I’d love to have one personality that I’d be free to share with everybody, even if it made people hate me. I just want to be myself. But are those personalities me?

Let me run through some of my ‘alter egos’

First off, there’s default. Default is my most comfortable personality. I write using default so that’s probably why I don’t like other’s reading my work. Default isn’t very girly, she’s very analytical and loves jokes. She’s the personality I express on my blog. She likes to use big complex words to make her sound smart.

Then there’s ‘sarcastic’. She’s very sarcastic, a teeny bit sadistic and gets annoyed easily. I only seemed to show her around Grace when we were friends. I sometimes show her to other people like my sister and family friends that have annoyed me in the past… And a certain person who I will hopefully never mention here. (Don’t even ask because I won’t answer). She has a relatively low pitched voice. Her character makes me laugh.

Next it’s ‘hyper’. Hyper loves to annoy people, talk about anime etc and smile! She’s like Marmite- you either love her or hate her. Her voice has a higher pitch that default.

Then there’s ‘innocent’. She’s quiet and helpful and acts oblivious to some things. She’s shy and respectful and thinks she’s cute. And she tries to act cute… I don’t like her that much.

‘Normal’ is different to default. She’s what most people would expect in a normal human being. I won’t say much about her.

Finally there’s ‘aloof’. She prefers to stay silent and observes her surrounding. I like her because she seems kind of cool… in a way… She has a way of staring at a person so that her eyes penetrate deep into their soul, unlocking hidden secrets-!

Just being a little too poetic here!

I feel like I’ve revealed too much. Gosh, I feel kind of naked! But there it is. That’s how I feel. I used at least all of these personalities in school with the exception of default and now sarcastic. I’m not so close to Grace now so sarcastic doesn’t want to come out. Hahaha! I sound so weird! Why am I even typing ‘Hahaha!’ when I’m not even laughing?! I’m smiling now, but before I had a straight face.

Oh, gosh, I’m so messed up!

~EpicCupcake signingng


(Let’s try this again)

~EpicCupcake signing out.

My Rants: I’ve had enough of them.

This is a rare post. Today I’m going to talk about my so-called family. What joy.

After leaving school late because Grace decided to have a hour long chat with my french teach (don’t even ask) I got a call from my dad to meet him and my sister at this pizza hut near my house. I was happy- I was getting pizza and sure I enjoyed that pizza- but things soon turned around when I found out that the wifi had been connective. It wasn’t a big shock; I already knew my dad was changing it or whatever. He put the password etc and it was set up. Then I asked him if he’d set it on my phone and, with a straight face, he simply said,


and then I asked him why and he said that my sister uses the internet on her phone when her laptop goes off (he set this stupid family safety parent control thing so it logs off at 10) so he won’t put wifi on either on our phones.

Now I was furious. had to suffer for something my sister did and this wasn’t the first time. Two good instances were:

  1. On my 13th or 14th birthday, my sister made a stupid promise that she’d take me out to wherever after she came back from her friends house. My mum had even bought a cake that we were going to cut as soon as she got home. So there I was, waiting… waiting… Soon it was 6 o’clock, then 7 o’clock. 8, 9, 10, 11… Eventually she arrive near midnight so it was obvious that I wasn’t going anywhere. There was a big argument between her and my parents. They kept interrogating her- asking her where she really went. She kept insisting that she went to her friend’s house. Then, after the argument, my mum was snooping around in her bag and found a ticket to this really far place and a packet of cigarettes and from that moment on, my birthday was completely ruined and even my dad had a go at me the next day. My sister has never apologised for ruining my birthday and I know she never will- not even on my death bed.
  2. She got into a argument with my dad not that long ago because my dad asked her to tidy her room and she said she had no time and then she started watching stuff on the internet. I’m not really sure what else happened, since I had already left for school, but apparently she was rude, said horrible stuff to my mum saying that she wasn’t her mum and the usual stuff blah blah blah and then I came home to find that my computer time (by this point my dad had already shortened my computer time to go on at 9am and off at 10pm) had been shorten even further so that now it goes on at 1pm and off at 9pm and when I told my dad that it wasn’t fair that I need the time, he told me that if I spoke again, he’d shorten it even more. And this happened all because of my sister.

Why my dad punishes me when my sister does something wrong, I don’t know. As far as I’m concerned, I’m a good girl and I follow their ridiculous rule and the rest. Why must I suffer? What have I done wrong?

Nothing! That’s what!

Now that I’m only allowed 8 hours (actually 4 because it takes me a while to get back from school) and I have no wifi on my phone, I am seriously pissed off. Every single time, my parents are bloody restricting me! I’m not allowed to do this, I’m not allowed to do that. I have to sleep by this time. I have to whatever. They aren’t doing what’s best for me! They just want to punish me, like everyone else does! Even my sister who causes all of this, just told me a few minutes ago ‘I’ll break your charger.’ It’s my charger, she doesn’t have to use it. She doesn’t even have the right to. She was the one who wanted to swap chargers in the first place and then she broke my original charger and now she wants to take mine. She the most horrible human being I have ever met- even worse than that girl who swore at me for picking up someone’s pen! Sometimes I just wish she’d leave the house. I’m seriously counting down the days till she leaves for Uni, if she makes it that far, that is, because she doesn’t take her education seriously at all. No, she’d rather drink and smoke with some random strangers she probably met off the internet. Honestly, I’m better of without her.

And don’t even get me started on my parents. They are just so old-fashioned and believe that children don’t have a choice. Even though I’m in my finally in high school, I can’t even do the things that year sevens do. You know- go to other people’s houses, after school or whenever, weekends I’m not allowed to step out of the house unless I want to accompany them while they’re shopping and apparently, holidays are meant to be spent indoor. One thing I don’t get is that my so-called sister goes out every weekend. I swear, it’s favouritism. Maybe I should start behaving badly then and maybe I might get the slightest bit of attention.

Oh, here’s another fun story. One time, when I was in primary school and my sister was in high school, we all went out roller skating (well, at least, I did. My parents didn’t have skates and my sister… no comment) and at one point I found myself going down a hill and I couldn’t stop otherwise I’d fly forward and break my nose. I yelled for help but when I looked back, I saw my sister suddenly fall after standing still in one place and my parents where bending over to help her and whatever . It was clear that I wasn’t going to get any help so I just kept going downhill till I saw stone floor below. I panicked, wondering how to survive this. In the end, I skated towards the side where there was a tiny patch of grass and fell onto my stomach without taking to much damage. As I trudged back up, no one even said a word or even wondered where I’d went.

Even though I’m a good girl and I don’t cause problems for them, they always find a way to restrict me. For one thing, I hardly make plans to go out anyway so I mostly spend a lot of time indoor, on my computer, but for some reason, they don’t want me on the computer, they want me to talk to human beings when they stop me from going out in the first place. Thanks to them, I can’t have a life outside my house and I can’t have a life inside my house. Where else am I supposed to have a life? No, no, for them it’s study, study study, even from primary school when nothing really mattered.

I just can’t stand them or my sister or anyone else and they’re all driving me crazy and I feel like I’m going to fall into that depressive state again. I was already like that this morning an right now I’ve got a pretty bad headache. Usually, in order to manage that ‘state’, I read manga or watch anime in the night to get my mind of things. Of course, that’ll never happen now and I’m definitely going to go over all this and some other painful stuff that I’m not in the mood to share tonight and I’m going to stay up late anyway. It doesn’t make a bloody difference.

I’ve vented for too long so I’m going to end the post now before I right something I’ll regret later.

~EpicCupcake signing out.