I Have a Thing For Curly Hair…

Cats are so frickin’ cute…

Imagine if for your whole life you thought you were a boy and then one day you found out that your parents were lying to you and that you are, indeed, a girl…

I don’t why I brought that up. That has nothing to do with today’s post but it just came into my head so I thought ‘What the heck, might as well…’

The topic isn’t something I normally talk about because it’s always been an awkward topic for me. Plus I don’t care that much about- talking about it, I mean. Today I’m going to be talking about hair love and relationships.

The reason I’m bringing up this topic now is because of a disagreement Tori and I have been having. There’s this guy that she likes and she thinks he’s super hot but I don’t see it. His eyes are really pretty, but that’s about it. To show her what true hotness looks like, I showed her this guy in my maths class who I sit behind and constantly stare at. I think he’s noticed me staring at him, because I always try to catch a glimpse of him face… He must think I’m a weirdo… But the first time I saw him, I was totally taken by him and I thanked the Lord that I dropped further maths and took mechanics (and bio). In my opinion, this guy looks like an angel. I cannot use mere words to describe him… and yet Tori goes ahead and uses the word ‘okay’. She says he’s ‘okay’. I tell her she needs to get her eyes checked causes he’s an 11, not a 5.I mean, he has GORGEOUS dark curly hair and a beautiful face and even the back of his head is cute. He’s got this cute voice and his laugh is really loud but for some reason I find that cute too.

He’s just awesome, okay? Awesome. Tori thought he was transgender cause he’s too feminine. I told her I was sure he didn’t have boobs or anything but I do have to admit, I suspect he’s gay.I feel silly thinking that just because his voice reminds me of every gay youtuber I know and because he looks effeminate. I don’t like to give into stereotypes mostly because I hate it when people turn assumptions into facts. I’m a scientist- I don’t work that way. But recently, I keep thinking that I have a really good gaydar because I swear, every guy I lust over turns out to be gay… I do kinda wish he were gay (he’d make the PERFECT uke) but also not because I’d never have a chance with him (#fujoshi_problems… why did I just hashtag…) At this rate I won’t ever get a boyfriend…

But back to my main point… relationships. I remember back in high school and even back in primary school how important relationships were. I remember talking about how far we had gotten with boys (In primary school too). Since all the other girls were interested in boys, it had become one of my life long goals to get a boyfriend. I know, how lame… But can you blame me when the word ‘boyfriend’ is all I’ve ever heard since I was a young girl.

When I finally realised that I didn’t really want a boyfriend, I thought I was asexual for 2 years. But then I realised that wasn’t it- I just didn’t want to get into a relationship because I hadn’t found someone I really liked. Now get ready for some sappy emotional stuff.

But then I did find someone I cared for a lot and I know this isn’t going to sound convincing after talking about how I’ve been lusting over the guy in my maths class. I met Phoenix. And ,yes, I had known her three years prior to that time but it was two year ago that I began to see the real her and I’m not going to spend the rest of this post talking about how awesome she is but I just have to say this.

I know this sounds absolutely stupid because I’m only 16, but I really do think that she is the one, that we are meant to be together and I can’t tell you why cause that complicated and confidential stuff and, not to mention, embarrassing. I just feel different towards her, like I’ve never  felt towards anyone else. It feels like she’s the most important person in my life, that she keeps me hanging in there and I always want to be by her side- to help her, to listen to her, to be there for her. Since I started liking her, I don’t care about being with anyone else. It’s like she’s the only one for me and everyone else (potential boy/girlfriends) is irrelevant.

I think I should stop there before this post gets weirder…

I’m not going to say whether this is love or not because I literally have zero experience in that field.

Plus I might explode with cringe overload if I do.

I just wanted to share my thoughts.

I apologise for the lack of posts lately. I have my mocks in 2 weeks so I’m like ‘REVISE REVISE REVISE!!!’ It’s a boring life…

I’ll be sure to post at some point between now and then. I may not have time though… If you’re into anime/manga, be sure to check out my other blog. My reviews are fairly short so they don’t take long to write so I might have time for those.

Be sure to check it out.

And don’t forget to… eat your veggies…

Yeah…

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Results’ Day/Exam Pressure and Revision

Yesterday in school, there was a little practice- a ‘dress rehearsal’ was what the teachers called it- of what would happen about seven months from now. Yes… result’s day. After those grueling two weeks of torture known as exams, and a Christmas holiday that was more of a I’m-so-nervous-I’m-gonna-wet my-pants holiday, we finally got our results for our mock exams. I have to say, I was pleased with what I got. All As and A*s except for one grade… English. English language. The exam I thought I pretty much aced it. I didn’t even get a B for it. My grade dropped straight down to a C, which is still good, but it’s three grades below my target grade and, most importantly, my English teacher’s going to give me a hard time about it. Still, it doesn’t bother me that much.

There were an assortment of grades with a mixture of tears of relief and tears or disappointment yesterday and today. People were eagerly asking each other what they got and showing off their amazing grades. Others were in tears, talking to teachers. Like an good teacher, they encouraged then not to give up and to change those grades by the time summer comes. One of my friends told me today that she hated it when people who were smarter than her said their grades and asked what she got. I agreed with her- it’s not fair at all. It’s embarrassing. Which was why I pretty much stayed quiet about my grade only speaking of my English Language grade and only really asking the people in my English class what they got for that. And, like the ‘ever so modest person I am’ when other asked me about my grades, I said them, smiled and kind of looked down. and whispered a thank you when they congratulated me. It’s like I’m torn between being modest and not seeming stuck up. It’s kind of complicated, I can’t really explain it.

I’m sure the buzz about exams won’t die down any soon. Though now that we’ve got our mock results GCSE results’ day style, the tension is building and the pressure is even more suffocating. I’m glad that for a lot of my subject, there’s no coursework, and for the coursework I do have, it’s controlled conditions so I don’t need to work on it at home and in my free time. Nevertheless, there’s still a lot I need to do. I need to start thinking about resits for my music since I’ve got a string of Bs hanging round my neck and it’s only my final exam that can push it to an A. I would redo them, if I wasn’t nervous as hell… and if I hadn’t lost the pieces… That wasn’t very wise of me…

And then there’s English to worry about. I have no idea how I got the grade I did. I tried to pin it on my writing, but I got an A in Literature so I’m not quite sure. It’s horrible to not be good at English Language, because there isn’t really a clear way to up your score. If it’s something like science of maths, you can do quick questions or just look up… I don’t know… limestone on BBC Bitesize.

At the moment, I’m really thinking of strategies to help me revise, but I never look at notes and I get board of cue cards. I tried to make a game on Stencyl, a PowerPoint Presentation, a board game, but nothing seems to fit me. Only test papers seem to work and there are a limited number of test papers out there. There will come a time when the pressure will be too much and I have virtually no time left and I’ll probably crack from the pressure. I suddenly wish I was back in year 10 so I can take my revision more seriously. Every year, the teachers say ‘Start your revision now! From the beginning!’. Every year, everyone ignores them. Every year, they regret it. If I could go back in time, I’d start making my notes. Of course, I can’t go back, and I wouldn’t anyway; I’ve already done so much. To make notes now for everything would take forever though so I’ll stick to my normal revision method: books and the internet.

Wish me luck for… about 4 months?

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Halfway there!

Hello there! It’s been years (a few days) since I’ve posted anything. Sorry for suddenly going into hiding.

Today marks the end of the first week of my exam not-so-much-week-but-fortnight and I’m already scared. Why? I’ll tell you why.

So after my spanish orals and my tuesday off, my mock exams started on wednesday. I probably mentioned earlier that I started with english lit. It was the most hideous paper ever. Our english lit poetry exam is based around the theme of relationships. How then can you possibly ‘explore the thoughts and feelings of the poet’ when the poem is about a cat! Yes, you could argue that people love their cats but seriously, I had no idea whatsoever what this poet felt about her cat. It was just a description on how the cat ate. Seriously. That was it. I hate exams.

My next paper was R.E. It went okay. The super hard questions I expected didn’t come up and although I right at snail’s pace, I was able to finish on time. Trouble was, when I was checking over it, I saw the worst grammar error ever. It was so bad I couldn’t understand the sentence. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating… A little

I had french directly afterwards and I had little time to revise before they shifted us the hall. The listening, my apologies to all French people, sounded like gibberish flowing through one ear and out the other. Normally, I’d be able to catch the gist of things, but for some reason, when you’re pack in a hall with a person’s voice resonating across the room and, other than that, complete silence, you tend to freak out a little.

Reading papers are normally my thing. I was casually flicking through the pages, answer the questions and keep my eye on the sound when suddenly…

…the alarm bell went off. Yes, in the middle of the exam, the fire bell just randomly went off. Every head went up and looked towards the invigilators for some sort of order. They were stunned. They had no idea what was going on. Everyone stayed silent until I heard Grace laugh. “Are you serious? Are you actually serious?” After observing all this I simply dropped my head and continued with my exam. ‘Whatever.’ I thought.

Of course, the invigilators then evacuated us into the playground and I was getting seriously annoyed. Who on Earth would be clumsy enough to schedule a fire drill during the year 11 mock exams??? And on Thursday of all days when it was icy cold. I was shivering and dancing about like a crazy person. My teeth chattered non-stop. A fire drill?! But when I thought about it, that would be probably unlikely. Then I wondered if there was a real fire and I felt less annoyed. Then I found out that the alarm was pulled by mistake. And to the guilty party I say thanks, for ruining my day and having me wait in the cold in absolute silent with the constant threat that my paper would be canceled hurled at me every few seconds.

When the alarm finally when off, we went back in the hall and it turned out no one was paying attention to how much time was wasted and so there was this big debate (or, rather, argument) between the students and the invigilators over how much time we were going to ‘need’. After some heated conversation , 40 minutes were decided.

When I finished the test, with plenty, and I mean plenty of time remaining, I realised that it was still registration. The invigilators were letting people leave early so I quickly left to run to my form room. Why? Let me explain.

Earlier that day, I wanted to leave my coat in my locker so that people would trample on it when were were getting out bags and stuff out of this large cupboard we were forced to leave our stuff in. I thought this was a great idea. I wondered why I hadn’t thought of it earlier. My form tutor, however, told me that the room would be in use for the whole day for the year 10 business day (you will not believe the number of year 10 students who waltz into school with high heels and blazers. Well… at least they had fun.) and that I wouldn’t even be allowed to enter at break. Only lunch. ‘Lunch, eh?‘ I thought to myself. I was planning to buy something from the canteen at lunch since I didn’t bring any food with me. I’d eat my lunch, get my coat and then make  my way to the hall for french. A seemingly flawless plan.

One problem, though. My french exam started at 12. Lunch was at 12.45. There would be no way I could eat lunch or, most importantly, get my coat. I was seriously worried. I knew that I’d never be allowed to step into the building my form room was in, let alone my form room. That’s why, when I saw that I had about three minutes before form time ended, my heart was filled with hope. I sprinted out of my french exam to my form room. Snatched my coat and scarf and slyly slipped out before anyone noticed me. Not that I needed to, I wasn’t stealing anything, but it seemed the appropriate action at the time. 😉

And that was Thursday.

Today was almost a bad.

After leaving my coat in the large cupboard thingy, I had my maths exam in the morning which was okay, I guess. Didn’t strike me as too hard.

But the science. THE SCIENCE!!! Whoever wrote the paper hated me, hated all of us. It was the most evil paper I had ever. It was like a bloody geopraphy paper with advantages and disadvantages and ethical issues and the lot. Gosh, I was so mad. I was depending greatly on my science result. If I opened that doomed envelop and found it littered with Bs Cs and Ds, at least my A* from science would shine as well as my A from maths. I’m not even worried about getting an A* in science now. I’m more worried about not getting that A! My parents are really strict and they only expect the best. I’m doomed…

Now all that’s left it the english language, the rest of the maths, R.E, science plus my spashish, music and french oral which I know none of and I just can’t forget my spanish one.

Vivo en una ciudad de talla media

Wish me luck for week two of my exams! Especially for those on Friday… It’s the 13th. *gasp*

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Me and My Family

Question: If you could describe me in one word, what would it be?

Mum: “Um… pest.”

She later changed this to hardworking when I ‘voluntarily’ helped her with a task. How thoughtful…

My sister: “Annoying.” That was all she simply said.

Dad: “Clever.” How kind, the only member of my family that said something nice.

Well, I know they all mean well. They’re just teasing.

I don’t know why I did this little observation. I think I’ve had too much free time on my hands today…

Tomorrow is exam number 2! I’m totally not looking forward to it! 😀

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Turn Around

Hello! It’s been a long time so I thought I should start with hello!

If you’re wondering why I haven’t been procrastinating on WordPress, I’ve actually been doing serious revision.

I mean serious revision. I made a bloody timetable and (get this!) I actually followed it! Seriously, I revise in the mornings before school, during lunch, on the bus, after school in the library, at home, before bed, heck, even in my sleep! I was so nervous I just analysed a poem in my dreams. Too bad I couldn’t remember what I wrote… I’ve been revising like mad and yet I feel like I haven’t done enough. Strange…

Anyway, now I’m chilling on WordPress, laughing while watching my brother slip on the floor, and crying because it hurts when I laugh. I did aerobics for P.E. yesterday and we had to do over 100 sit ups… with our legs off the ground… with weights… Yeah… it wasn’t pretty.

Recently, I think my life has had a turn around. Not a major turn around, but a little one. Suddenly I’m eating stuff for breakfast that I never thought I’d eat in a million years. Cereal, toast, bagels. It feels so weird to pour myself a bowl of cereal when I’ve avoided it for so long. I almost forgot what milk tasted like… without being mixed with tea, of course.

And I’ve also started eating five fruit and veg a day. It’s a major improvement from 1 a day, which I only got from apple juice. Today, I even had one of those fruit pot thingies and GOSH DID I HATE IT, but I want to be healthy. I’ve also been eating a lot of salad. And I think I heard from someone that chocolate or cheese is good for your brain before an exam so I’ve started eating cheese again. (though I’ve been eating it with pizza already…) And I’m even saving a chocolate bar for when my exams start which is NEXT WEEK!

Gosh, I’m so nervous. First thing’s my Spanish oral and I have to come in to school in the morning. Ugh… Well, at least it’s a 10 rather than 9. While the rest of my class was either doing revision or watching YouTube videos in the computer lab, me, Ann and two other girls in my class went to a separate room to practice our speaking. We only managed three paragraphs each but, hey that’s something!

My next exam is Wednesday (Tuesday I get a day off!) and it’s English Lit. Poetry. Oh my goodness. Normally I’m great at essay writing, but for some reason my mind always goes blank. I hope I don’t mess it up. Even though it’s not my real GCSE, my parents are going to see the result  firstly in a big scary envelope (a simulation for results day) and at parent’s evening where people will be shamed. Oh boy…  The worst part is that the language orals are real. Very real, so if I fail those…

Let’s not think about it.

Just wish me luck! Especially for science and maths! (And language orals, of course!)

~EpicCupcake signing out.

It feels like forever since…

…I last made a post.

…I was Grace’s friend.

…I could actually open my mouth and talk when I felt like talking.

Thoughts

I’m sorry that I haven’t actually posted anything, or even been on WordPress at all, since some days ago. Maybe you might not realise it, but I do and I feel a bit guilty since I said that I’d post regularly… But I swear, this time I wasn’t procrastinating! I was actually doing homework, revising and being plagued by problems constantly.

It feels like my bad luck is striking me again. That day I made that post (‘A Thought:…’ Was it?) I was experiencing my bad luck’s evil works. The darn buses were failing me. When I was coming out of school that day, I just missed this bus and when I checked the bus times, it said the next one was in 10 or 20 minutes and there was no way on earth I was waiting that long in the cold. So I waited for another bus at another bus stop that was coming fairly soon… but it was full and the bus driver closed the door on this old lady when she was trying to go in. How sad… Buses are just cruel.

In addition to that, I’ve lost a number of things:

  • Four pens
  • One pen lid
  • My 30cm ruler that folds in half (I loved that ruler)
  • My oyster card (Just when I about to get on the bus)
  • My prefect badge (Spent a whole lunch time looking for it on the street and was almost late back to school)
  • My P.E. kit and other stuff.

Now, I found most of these things though they caused me trouble to find. My prefect badge was the worst because I realised it was missing after I had my P.E. lesson at the leisure center so I panicked. It could’ve been anywhere! My friend Cinnamon helped me look for it though which was nice of her (Grace wouldn’t have done that for me *puffs out cheeks*) What made it worse was that as we were walking back, we realised we were walking a different way from before so the badge could’ve been on the other side of the road but we could cross to check because we only had 5 minutes to get back to school and at that point we already needed 10! We got back on time, though (a cover teacher took the register)

I found it in the end… in my SCHOOL BAG.

But enough about losing things. I’m more worried about other things. Like friends for example. I know that I should be 100000000 times grateful for my friends, but I can’t help but feel lonely, like I don’t fit in. I want to become part of their ‘official’ friendship group, but I don’t know them that well, and they don’t know me. It’ll be kind of hard. I sometimes feel jealous of Grace, how she has that perfect friendship group that I used to have… with her and my friend who refuses to step into school at all. I’m a lone wolf now and although I don’t like it, I’ll have to live with it. I’ve got my life so I have to live it and leave pain behind because it’ll only hinder me…

…that’s why I spoke to Grace for the first time in a month on Thursday. I just said hi with this goofy smile on my face and she responded with that same goofy smile, as if nothing had happened, as if we were still friends. Of course it got awkward when we had nothing to speak about, so I said ‘see ya in English!’ and went to buy some juice for the lunch that I didn’t eat because I was looking for that bloody badge.

That moment kind of gave me hope. Hope that one day, we’d become friends again- best friends- and that our friendship would always last. But I read too much fiction. This is reality, and it’s a lot harder to predict what will happen in the future based on one moment. I knew that Grace had moved on, and I have too. We can’t get stuck in the past because I know how it’ll end up (and this actually contradicts what I said earlier but I know that nothing good can come out of that).

I decided that I didn’t want to be Grace’s best friend, but that I’d settle for just a friend or acquaintance because it’s better that way. I don’t want us to be enemies anymore. I don’t want it to be awkward between us anymore and I know that to move on, we can’t avoid each other so we have to get along in a way that doesn’t hold us back.

At first I was a little skeptical that my little plan/idea would work, because she never really came out and talked to me after that (I only talked to her once after that), but (and I know this sounds stupid) yesterday she asked me for my rubber casually. She actually turned around and addressed me and I was glad that finally the air has become less suffocating around us. Maybe we’ll start talking again. Maybe we won’t. But at least we’re slowly moving on.

One funny thing I just realised was that was how our friendship started in the first place. Not that she asked me for a rubber, rather I asked her for some scissors… and kept asking over and over because I was too lazy to buy my own. Funny way to start a friendship.

Apart from my problems with bad luck, feeling lonely and Grace (I miss calling her Backstabber, the name kind of grew on me. But I promised I’d stop after a month so…), I’m still dealing with my unstable emotions and my social anxiety.

I think my music teacher is starting to notice my strange behaviour: how I sometimes stare right at a teacher (her included), and sometimes I can’t hold someone’s gaze for very long and end up looking down after 2 seconds, and how I always seem to not to be able to see people when I’m walking out of school. Maybe I’m being a little paranoid (I am) but I think recently she’s been paying more attention to me, saying hi to me when I see her in the canteen or when I’m walking out of school looking at the opposite direction to were she was walking, pretending I never saw her in the first place. I think she knows that I’m shy. No, perhaps more than shy because I know a lot of shy people who seem outgoing compared to me.

I wonder why I do that. I wonder why I can’t hold people’s gazes and look away embarrassed and then feel like punching myself for looking away so obviously. I wonder why I always see people but pretend that I never saw them in the first place. I’m very observant, you know. Well, most of the time. And why do I hold people’s gaze for so long with a straight face? I do this to my french teacher almost all the time. Why on earth do I do that?!

But I guess my shyness isn’t so bad. I’m pushing myself to talk to people who sit next to me and I think it’s working because I feel more comfortable than I did before. This doesn’t mean that I have the confidence to actually hold a conversation (or their gaze for that matter) but I’m getting there!

I’m really worried about my speaking exams though. I was lucky during my spanish one, because even though my mind went blank, I had practised it so much that it just flew out of my mouth. I got an A* for that and I’m proud of myself. During my french, on the other hand, I was extremely nervous because I had to learn it during exam week in year 10, my french teach was pissed because I missed the time I was supposed to do the speaking (I just didn’t go), and being alone with my french teacher was nerve-wrecking in itself…  I managed to speak it with as much fluency as I could muster, but I spoiled it when I shouted ‘NO!’ when I mixed up a certain word. I realised it was a stupid thing to do because the word I said fit the sentence perfectly. I got an A. I almost cried because I was expecting my grade to drop seriously with the stupid ‘NO!’.

This year I’m more worried because I felt that my other speaking were just a stroke of luck and… I’m not having any luck at all (except bad luck). But for me it’s not so much the remembering part that I need to worry about. It’s my nerves. Before my spanish last year, I spent the time most people used to practise to calm myself down and breathe. It didn’t work; my heart raced and my mind went blank as my teacher said ‘GCSE’.

Just as I was lucky with my speaking, I was lucky with my music solo. But my music ensemble went terribly and I fear that the same will happen for my speaking exams this December. I already feel overloaded with revision and my piano exam and with my science prefect board that I feel like exploding. That might be why my mood has been acting up. One day I’m fine, the next day I’m fed up and then I’m just upset and then I’m happy. I’m not enjoying being a teenager.

The science prefect board, by the way, is a board for the science prefects to write about any subject in science or stick up posters and whatnot. The science teachers have told us to write stuff about the environment and I was not happy about that. I wanted to go into quantum physics! I wanted to do this cool poster called ‘How to Make an Atom!’ and write it like a recipe. Okay, it was a lot cooler in my head.

We decided to divide the board into chemistry, biology and physics and I was put in charge of chem. I wanted to do physics and write about radiation and go into detail and explain alpha, beta and gamma radiation and talk about the bosons that actually caused this but no… I was stuck with chemistry. But I like chemistry, I really do, but all I could think of that was about the environment was greenhouse gases and acid rain, and I really didn’t want to write about them.

But then I was struck with an idea. I could go into significant detail about global warming and explain how the structure of greenhouse gases caused the greenhouse effect. Bad idea… I found out that it was a bit complicated and I had to read a few other sources to gather the basic understandings. And then I thought, if it took me a while to understand it, how would a ks3 student or even a ks4 student or even the triple science class understand it? I already had the basic understandings of things like electronegativity and chemical polarity and I still don’t understand some of it!

But them I thought, some people don’t question things like I do, so if I explained it as simply as I could whilst still going into detail, no one would really care.

Who even looks at that board anyway? (Actually, it might be a lot of people because there like four clases that wait in the corridor with that board)

Honestly, it would’ve been easier if I did the atom thing. It’s easy to explain and easier to understand.

Enough about science though.

I started reading this book called ‘Hush Hush’ and it’s actually really good. I thought it wouldn’t be, because my sister has read it. I never trust anything my sister reads because I feel that our interests are different. To my surprise, they’re quite similar. I wasn’t quite sure that I’d like it, but I was desperate to read something because I had just finished ‘Slither’s Tale’ and I wondered how long it would be till I read the next book ‘Alice’. I can’t wait! But I was foolish to start a book series. I was planning to read something as I reserved and waited for the book ‘The Fault in Our Stars’. Which Cinnamon recommended. She also said that Hush Hush was really good so now I have faith in the book. I totally trust Cinn’s choice. She’s actually reading Les Misérables at the moment which like 1200 pages long (it’s massive) and she let me read a small passage that talked about consciousness and it was just so poetic and I loved it. I wanted to read the book, but it’s way too long. I don”t think I could carry that around with me. But today I watched the movie, which was actually a musical. It was a great story and I loved it despite the fact that my sister was talking and complaining all through it. I hate watching things with her…

I haven’t read a lot of it, so despite what any says, my favourite part of Hush Hush has to be the beginning, when Chauncey was like ‘I AM THE DUC DU LANGEAIS!!! But I do like the part with Patch and Nora.

Speaking about stories, I recently started this challenge called NANOWRIMO which I think stands for ‘National Novel Writing Month’. I was lucky to catch it earlier  on this month because you had to write a novel (50,000 words) in 30 days and submit it at least one minute before the 1st of December. I started it but never finished; I have my GSCE exams in December and I can’t afford to write. It hurts though, I love writing stories and I was determined to write this novel, but I don’t have the time so I’m going to have to leave it. Maybe next time. Hopefully they’ll be something that’s happening this summer. I’ll be starting afresh in August next year so I don’t have to worry about studying or revising. I can just focus on reading, writing, making songs, watching/reading anime/manga, sleeping, watching movies and possibly learning Japanese. I only know the basics and I really want to learn how to speak it at least, but I need to continue learning my verbs.

This post is really long so I’ll stop here. I also need to revise again because I didn’t do any yesterday because I was occupied with my ideas for the chem section. I’m soooooo tired. I could fall asleep right now…

Oh, one last thing! Cloud’s birthday is coming up and I don’t know what to get her! I considered asking her but I didn’t for two reasons:

  1. I think gifts should be more of a surprise
  2. She’d tell me ‘Anything is fine!’

So if you know what I could give to a sixteen year old girl, PLEASE tell me. I know it’s weird, but I don’t know what most girls like. I just want notebooks… seriously (I got three last Christmas 🙂 )

But, wow, Cloud is going to be 16. I swear in America you can drive at sixteen. I can’t imagine Cloud driving; that’d be too weird…

Okay, now I’m done.

~EpicCupcake signing out.

I really don’t care!

Hello! I am feeling energetic today! So energetic that I want to write a post! (Y’know, since I neglected my blog for so long)

As you’ve probably guessed, I’m actually happy for once and it’s weird. It feels like I haven’t been my cheerful self for ages and it was what Grace told me that made me realise this. I’ll get to what she said later.

Anyways, today was the second day of my English controlled conditions for GCSEs and blah blah blah. And before I started, I started randomly saying/singing ‘I’m s-s-s-sorry. I’m s-s-s-s-sorry.’ In a deep voice and I noticed a girl laughing. I was only after looking up to her oddly that I realised she was laughing at me and I got really embarrassed. This wasn’t the first time I felt embarrassed in an English lesson (and during a controlled conditions for that matter) and at that time I couldn’t actually help it. i had this sort of coughing fit and the whole class started laughing. I don’t really feel like going into that story. So anyways, as she laughed and said something to her friend beside her, I began to think up excuses that could justify singing/speaking and then I said to myself (in my mind, of course)

I doesn’t actually matter.

So then I continued with my essay, trying my best to believe that so that I wouldn’t destroy my good mood. Eventually I forgot. It worked! For once…

I had P,E, after that. It was a single period so we just played football for the whole time. Our P.E. groups are actually our English groups this year, since P.E. comes after English. I love football by the way (playing it, that is. Not watching it) though I’m no good at scoring. I think I’m great at defending though; I’m always good at defending in sports. I found myself being tackled by the same girl (she does GCSE P.E. so you can imagine how scared I was (no  really, to be honest, but still…). I kind of messed up at one point and kept kicking the wrong leg because she kept kicking the ball in the other direction and I must’ve done this weird jumpy thing because after I’d successfully kicked the ball away from the goal (and her) she burst out laughing and went to her friend who was the keeper in my team. I walked off, with my eye on the ball thinking:

The ball is going towards your goal so… jokes on you, mate.


And I continued with the game. I didn’t even feel the least bit embarrassed- I didn’t care! This was weird because I always care. When someone tells me that so-and-so doesn’t like me, I obsess over it and end up doing or saying something stupid.

And that leads me to the main point of this point.

After school, I was talking to Grace and then suddenly, this girl, let’s call her Mandy, walks up to Grace and totally interrupts us. Yeah, this pissed me off because she always interrupts us everyday and it really gets on my nerves. After she’d finished speaking to Mandy, I told Grace how Mandy was so annoying always interrupting our conversations and Grace looking to the side awkwardly and said.

‘About Mandy…’

And then she told me what Mandy, who I, didn’t think was nice in particular, but at least respected people, said about me. She told me how she hates me because I’m moody all the time, which isn’t actually true because:

  1. This moody, upset business only lasted for a few weeks and for the end of last year and
  2. She doesn’t know anything about about me.

She also told Grace how she shouldn’t be my friend and all I could think was:

‘That backstabber!’ I also said that out loud.

I wasn’t too shocked though, she usually ignores my existence even though I say hi to her and try to be friendly and talkative towards her especially since my whole depressed episode. Strangely enough, the thought escaped my mind and I forgot about her for a good hour or so (after school club) but as I walked home, I thought about what I should do about it. I had told Grace that I was going to talk to her about it but of course she asked me not to; Mandy had asked her not to tell me, but I seriously want to tell her that it isn’t okay to say things about people behind their backs especially if they don’t know their situation (and in my case, I was just crazy but it’s not like I could help it). That’s the worse thing, you know- hearing that someone said something behind your back. Although it’s rude, I appreciate people who say what they think to a person’s face. Saying something behind someone’s back is not only cruel but shows that their a coward who can’t even be truthful. How can you trust someone who does it? Even Grace thinks that Mandy talks about her behind her back. I’m sure she has because she loves to gossip, even about Grace and her private life.

I’m going a little off topic. So, I decided that I could do two things:

  1. Confront her, without being rude of course, because I’m not aiming to hurt her.
  2. Leave it alone.

As I was about to just leave it alone, I decided to do something else. As a scientist, I decided to do an experiment. I would be as friendly as possible to Mandy, compliment her, try to have a nice conversation with her and try and join in with their conversations. Then I’ll ask Grace what she says about me.

I know this sounds like I care, but I actually don’t. I just want to try an experiment now that I have the chance. I guess this short story series I’m writing is influencing me (it has major science and psychology themes), but I might end up not doing it. I have exams and stuff so I can’t really be bothered. Maybe it’s the exams that are making everything seem so trivial. Yeah, that’s probably it.

I just feel so energetic and happy. Maybe it’s because earlier my baby bro fell on his side cause he laughed so much, I kept lying even after. Anyway (I keep saying that) I’m kind of hungry and I have homework to do so…

~EpicCupcake signing out.