Update: Things are looking good!



They sure are! I started school on Monday and I’ve actually been trying my best to live up to the promises I made for the new year. Like I said, I’m sick of being upset, socially awkward and shy and I want to just be happy and live my life the way I want. For Christmas, I got three notebooks from my sister, A4, A5 and A6 and with my now large collection of beautiful colourful notebooks, I’ve decided to use the A6 one (which I named the ‘Ferris’ because I’m weird enough to name notebooks…) to track my progress and to keep a little diary-like thingy. It doesn’t feel like a diary, because I don’t really go into that much detail about my emotions and stuff, only when necessary.

At the end of every day, I sit on my bed and get out the Ferris and write an entry called ‘Evaluation of Day’. I’ve given all my problems a number. 1=social anxiety, 2=health, 3=studying and 4=emotions and regrets. I write the numbers down and record all the important stuff I did today and give them points. I can tell you now, according to the Ferris, I’m doing quite well in the social anxiety section and the health section, because I’m setting new challenges for myself and I’m doing regular exercise (rather than none at all) and eating my five-a-day (I even ate a bloody fruit pot today! I normally hate fruit that aren’t apples or oranges, but I have to admit, it was kind of nice). On the other hand, on the studying section, I’m not doing so well. 6 points so far, from new years to now. Not very good, but I’m very lazy.

There’s also been another downside. I’ve been exercising as if I was back in primary school (I was very active back then), but my body isn’t used to exercise so now I’m half walking, half limping around everywhere. So, until next week, I’m only doing sit ups and maybe star jumps, if it doesn’t kill me…

But even with the limping, I think I’m heading towards a success. I was really worried about going back to school. I was worrying about ‘School Fever’ but I’ve been doing fine. My mood has been very stable over these last couple of days. Although I still find it a bit hard to look at Grace, things are close to being back to normal. It’s not so awkward between us anymore and I can tolerate sitting next to her in English. In fact, we still talk and laugh and have the whole class yell shut up at us every lesson, though I don’t feel any closer to her. It feels like the distance between us has increased a little. Although sometimes I do long for the days we were friends, it doesn’t actually bother me that much. I can sit on my own in the computer room with her and the other cackling away at each other and not feel any discomfort. I’m slowly getting over her. I don’t talk to her that much, and I don’t try to, though now I feel she talks to me more than I talk to her, she even complemented my hair even though it wasn’t anything special, and it makes me wonder… but I’m not going to over think this.

As for friends, I still feel a bit like a lone wolf, but Cinnamon is a great friend who’s always by my side and I don’t want to take advantage of that. Cinnamon is a little weird though, I’ve noticed. She seems to like it when people die in books… At the moment, she’s re-reading ‘Bec’, part of Darren Shan’s Demonata Saga. She told me she loved reading it because all the characters die, even the main character (a little confusing considering it was the fourth book out of ten books…) But she’s a nice and interesting person and I’m grateful to have her as my friend. Also, I very much appreciate weird people!

So… yeah, just a little update… I’ll end on this final note: I’m still working on my Challenge- I’m mixing it up with my evaluation thing and so far I’ve got about 23 points! But I’ve only really done basic stuff so from now on I’m going to challenge myself a little bit more. I have a mental list of the stuff I want to tick off such as calling people by their name which I am just unable to do. I always feel to shy to use someone’s name. I only want to do some sort of eye contact challenge, but I’ll save that for when I feel more confident. When I write my evaluation, I make a little list. Today, I managed to listen to music on the bus, something that absolutely scares me. I don’t know why, I guess I’m just worried that somehow other people can hear my music and make fun of me. But I was listening to Green Day anyway and no one can say anything bad about Green Day… I’m more worried about the songs I have that are in another language. Today I started listening to this Indonesian rock group called J-rock. Really confusing. I was expecting them to be Japanese, so I was a little confused when I didn’t hear any Japanese.

Okay! That’s enough for today! Thank you for spending a little time reading this post! 🙂

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Dear Diary: A Tear Jerking Story

Last night, after reading ‘The Remarkable Life and Times of Eliza Rose’ (or whatever it’s called), I put down the book and cried.

No I didn’t. I put down the book and got out my phone.

You see, stories can’t make me cry. Even at the end of My Sister Jodie, I didn’t cry when ———- (don’t want to ruin the story if you haven’t read it.) I tried to afterwards because I felt bad, but it took some effort. But when I picked up my phone, I remembered the Darren Shan, the author, and then I remembered the Saga of Darren Shan (Oh my goodness I think I’m going to cry again). I started to wonder whether the book series had a wikipedia. It did… So I spent a while looking it up. For some reason when I started, I couldn’t stop (have it in mind that it was about 1 am and I was EXTREMELY tired.) I read the whole plot outline and looked at all the character- even those that only appeared in one particular page. Remembering all the events, all the deaths and the ending made me just well up with tears. It didn’t make any noise of course- it was past midnight, but I was seriously crying my eyes out when I finished Sons of Destiny and praising Darren Shan’s (character) actions and how he save the world etc. I even went up to my mum and started telling her about it, still crying.

Fun fact (may cause spoilers) : If you take the first word of the first book and the last word of the last book, you get ‘I’ve gone.’ I just wanted to share that.

I totally in love with the story. I use the names Darren and Tom (Tom from my other favourite book series The Spook’s Apprentice) in a lot of my stories including one I’m writing now),I read most of the manga by Takahiro Arai that I found in my local library (I’m on volume 10) and I’ve watched the movie which, I’m sorry I have to say this, SUCKED very VERY BADLY! Sorry people who created the film but I lost interest at the point when I see that monkey girl and the goblin-looking little people. I mean, what the heck happened to Debbie?! I liked her. And those little people- they had NOSES. NOSES!!! I continued watching (because I hate stopping something halfway through) but I didn’t pay attention. I don’t even know how it ends- not that I care. They must make a new movie that is at lease 96% accurate with NO monkey girls and no little people with BLOODY NOSES! *cries*

Talking about the little people, Takahiro Arai, the mangaka of the manga series, really surprised me with his art. I mean, the characters were well drawn and the characters looks weren’t what I expected, but fit the story very well especially Vancha, Debbie, Evra, Truska and Darren. But Harkat and the rest of the little people were EXACTLY as I imagined. Takahirro-sensei drew him perfectly and I loved the way he looked- he’s so cute. Look!

I ❤ Harkat. And Darren of course.

I’m not sure I can say that I love Darren Shan (the author) because I’ve never met him before, but I can say that I’m in love with his writing and whenever I pick up one of his books, I get this kind of familiar warm feeling and a stupid grin stretches across my face (when I read the Thin Executioner which, by the way, was AWESOME!) Honestly, if I could write stories like Darren Shan (author) filled with epicness, some comedy, horror, adventure and tear-jerking moments that makes people grin stupidly when they pick up another story, then I’d be the happiest person alive… No joke.

I’m definitely reading Zom-B next. I wonder if it’ll be anything like warm bodies… Nah, it definitely going to be better- this is DARREN SHAN we’re talking about.

I’ll stop here.

Okay , I’ll really stop now.

~EpicCupcake signing out.