There’s something I need to tell you… I’M NOT A SQUIRREL, I’M A CHIPMUNK!!!
JK JK I kid you. I’m 100% a nut loving creature… historically of course… Hahahaha! Honestly… Where do I come up with these jokes???
Yes. Coming out. As in proclaiming your gayness. Out loud. For the whole world to know. Gayness. Not fruitiness.
Normally when I’m retelling something or talking about myself, I put the post in the category ‘Dear Diary’ or at least I try to. Now… Notice how this isn’t in ‘Dear Diary’. Now slowly realise that no, this is not about my coming out story because I have not come out and nor do I plan to anytime soon.
But just think about it… The concept of coming out. Whenever someone comes out I always feel this profound admiration to be able to say it loud and proud. In actual fact I only happen to have on non-straight friend who actually happened to be my crush, Phoenix. Her coming out to me was quite a shock to me, even though I kind of knew she was bi. Or at least not straight. Well actually she’s pan but I don’t want to go into all the technicalities and whatnot soooo… One day, during exams, we were talking at lunch and I guess we somehow got into the context of sexuality and brainwashing children to be straight, I don’t know… Something about sexuality and as she was stating her view, she said mid-sentence ‘Well I’m bi so,’ and she just continued talking. When she told me I just nodded while simultaneously thinking,
‘YEEEEEESSSSS! I STAND A CHANCE!!! CELEBRATE GOOD TIME COME ON DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO. CELE…’
‘The way she just outright said it… She must be some amazing new creature that can bluntly be so open… Wow…’
Then afterwards, she asked me if I was okay with it. This time I was simultaneously thinking,
‘That’s more like it… No one can be that outright, especially when I know she’s a little secretive.’
‘No. Of course I’m not okay with it because bi is obviously another word for murderer…’ I felt like saying that second one because Phoenix is one of the few people that enjoy my sense of humour. But instead of that I said. ‘Of course!’ And sounded like the typical straight girl- ‘It’s okay that you’re semi-gay but now it’s a little awkward to be around you…’
I don’t know why you have to be seen differently because now you’re openly gay instead of closeted gay. I mean, if you think about it, that person has always been gay but you just didn’t know it. It’s not like they suddenly ‘turned’. Unless they did… Weird…
Now, back to my main point…
What exactly is my main point…?
Is there really a point in coming out at all? I’ve watched a few gay movies, most of which (I’m sorry to say) I didn’t like cause they were… just not there. Just… not all that great… But like I watched G.B.F which I thought was hilarious and I remember (what’s his name…?) the main character’s flamboyant best friend who wanted this grand dramatic coming out and whenever I hear stories about coming, I just think that nobody else really needs to know other than friends and family… Maybe not even them! I think coming out is a great way to let other gay/semi-gay people know you are available but I don’t have another good reason.
I don’t think I could ever come out cause it’s just so awkward and one of the worst reactions (other than bullying, abuse and people avoiding me etc.) is people being like ‘Okaaay?? Why are you telling me this???’ And then I’d be like, ‘I honestly don’t know…’
Even though I don’t see the point in coming out, I still did to a couple of my friends. Though I wasn’t like random of anything like…
Cinnamon: So hey, did you see ‘Brooklyn Nine Nine’ last night?’
Me: I LIKE GIRLS!
Cinnamon: Okaaay??? That’s nice, I guess…
It was more like:
Me: Hey, you know I kinda have a crush on Phoenix.
Cinnamon: Oh okay.
That was how I told them. So I’ve never actually ever used the word ‘I like girls.’ or ‘I’m bi.’ or anything like that.
I was gonna write about my coming out to two of my other friends but I pressed something and I lost everything I wrote.
Cue sad music.
Man, I hate that!
Maybe another time. At least that means technically I do not need to put this in dear diary.
This was sort of a random post but recently I’ve been addicted to Kingsley and Tyler Oakley and I’ve been watching a lot of gay YouTubers for one reason or another…
I want to be as flawless as Kingsley but I will never achieve such pure flawlessness. Cue sad music.
I’ll end here cause I’m still pretty pissed about typing a whole essay and just having it deleted just like that.
Cue Linkin Park
~EpicCupcake signing out.