I Don’t Want To Grow Up!

Hello!

I am so sorry that I haven’t actually made a written post like this in a while. It’s the same excuse- homework, revision, procrastination… But to be honest, I sort of lost it yesterday.

Finally part of the full stress of GCSE has hit me and my mock exams are in two weeks, starting with my spanish orals. How lucky am I? Yesterday I blew off work completely, after my calculator starting acting up, and went all out relaxing… until reality came rushing back after my shockwave flash crashed 2nd time in a row while I was playing poptropica. And before you say anything, I am not too old to play poptropica! Just as I’m not too old to watch Spongebob Squarepants (though I haven’t watched it these last few months…). And besides, poptropica has these new sound effects and a new island called Virus Hunter or something so I was basically revising biology.

I was worried when it crashed for the second because I was pretty annoyed, and I knew how pissed off I could get if I lose repeatedly in poptropica, so I decided to close it down, get some books and start my revision again. But, of course, I distracted myself with something I like to call ‘manga surfing’ which doesn’t involve using a manga as a surf board (I just kidding you; you knew that already 😉 ), but actually involves looking up manga and I found this one about cooking and-

Let’s stay on the topic.

So anyways, I was manga surfing and watching TV so it took me even longer to work than it normally does and I was hardly paying attention to my work and just felt like slacking off again.

But then the TV spoke to me.

I was watching Popgirl because there was nothing good on and ‘Life With Derek’ came on. In the episode it looked like some super important exam was coming up and Casey (or however you spell her name) was doing full on non-stop revision and Derek was procrastinating. (Sounds familiar…) Then Derek had a vision or a premonition of what his life would be like if he did badly on the exams.I didn’t actually get it, but I could tell it was bad.

So then I panicked a little and when I panic, I procrastinate and I continued to read manga whilst pretending to do a maths paper.

That night, I stayed up till about 1 or 2 am reading ‘Crescendo’, the second book of ‘Hush Hush’ to avoid sleeping, waking up and going to school, and when I finally put the book, I started obsessing over a question in the maths paper. It was probably easy and I already put an answer, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. This morning I woke up (late) and not long after 20 minutes or so, I burst into tears. Thinking of exams, revision, homework and time  management- it was all too much!

My mum heard me crying and talked to me and she helped me make some changes to manage my time better and keep focused on my work. One of those changes was to go to the library after school which I didn’t do because I hadn’t told anyone and I didn’t bring my normal revision stuff. My dad made my mood worse though, and when he heard about what I was crying about, he blamed it all on me saying that I have time for manga “and other rubbish” but not for my studies and I went to school feeling as I normally did on Monday mornings- angry… pathetic…

But then after crying a bit more and getting advice from people at school, I ended up coming home with a half grin on my face (not full. I’d never grin in public on my own) whilst thinking about my brother and his kicking. He opens door now, by the way, so I have to be always on guard. But, long story short, I cool with my dad now, I’ve de-cluttered my room and, in the process, part of my brain so I think I’m ready to start serious revision! But maybe I’ll also clean my locker- that’s a whole other story…

*Sigh…* Sometimes I wish I’ll stay a kid forever or at least be whisked away to some fictional land, where they don’t have GCSEs, on a magical adventure filled with hard-core action with swords and everything and a beautiful romance with a happily ever after.

I need to get my head out of the clouds.

As for my challenge, I think I’ve earned a good 7 points already. 5 for getting off my lazy bottom to buy a present for Cloud’s birthday (In case you’re wondering, I got her a necklace). It was the first time I’d ever gone out to a shopping center by myself on weekday and boy was it nerve-wrecking! I splashed on some subtle make to camouflage myself- I had to ‘blend in’, and quickly went around the shops in search of a gift. Let me tell you, going shopping on your own isn’t fun, especially when you get cornered by random people from Green Peace or guys trying to sell their album and make their name in the world. I was forced to talk to that guy for a good few minutes before I could escape.

The other two points were for greeting people in my church choir (which I recently joined) even though I felt like punching myself instead. They’re nice people who don’t laugh at me when I drop all my little sheet on the floor every week, but it’s just hard not to be nervous, especially when you’re me…

That’s going to be my main challenge of the week- greeting people. I’ll make a little counter thingy to take note of my points. That’s 7 so far! Not much, but a good start!

I’ll finish this post here, but maybe next time I’ll talk about my friend Phoenix because I find her really interesting. Or maybe I talk about something completely different. Well, you’ll just have to find out next time.

Again, sorry for the late post. Don’t be surprised if I don’t write a post again till the weekend, but I’ll try to post something before then. If I don’t… then I’ll give you a muffin. Is chocolate okay? 😉 Till next time.

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Social Anxiety: Challenge Accepted!

Social Anxiety?

Short post! (Hopefully!)

Sorry, I’m feeling a little hyper right now.

Today I was going about with my day as normal when something struck me.

They say that the best way to confront a fear is to face it. I’m not about to fill a bucket of spiders and throw my hand inside. No, I’m going to challenge social anxiety. Now, that I’m writing (typing) this, I feel like I’m going a little crazy, but I thought about it and figured that if I expose myself to ‘social’, I’ll reduce the ‘anxiety’.

So I’ve decided to do one thing every week that I would normally never do because I’m too scared to do it. Small things though. Perhaps say something to someone I wouldn’t normally open my mouth around. And to make sure I don’t get bored of it, I’ll give it a points system, like the CBT depression app thingy has. I don’t know what it is that makes points so appealing… The more daring, the more points- that’s how it’ll work.

And I guess it doesn’t have to be exclusively limited to talking to people. I could give myself a point for doing something in public I wouldn’t do or not having a panic attack if I see a spider. The other day I even dared to take a picture of the sky. Yeah, I know it’s not much of an accomplishment, but it’s something I’m scared of doing. Lame, I know.

It feels a little far-fetched though. I don’t believe that this little experiment/challenge will cure me. It probably won’t, but I think it’ll make a good start.

I’ll think of something to do tomorrow. I really hope this works because my social anxiety, or whatever this is, really bugs me and stops me from being… well, me!

~EpicCupcake signing out.