Pansexual 1

Why didn't I come up with that?

Why didn’t I come up with that?

During exam week, I was hanging out with Phoenix and other people for a quick ‘revision session’ and somehow the conversation switched to sexuality. When someone asked her what pansexuality was, I told them that it’s when you are sexuality attracted to cookware.

In my mind, that was a good one but I have to say, this would’ve been even better. In my opinion anyway…

Aaah, haven’t posted in ages! Enjoy! ;3 and… TO BE CONTINUED!

…Probably.

~EpicCupcake signing out.

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Wrong Body, Right Mind

Okay, I don’t know if it’s just my laptop but WordPress refuses to use the background and headers I uploaded on BOTH of my blogs and now I’m getting pissed…

I miss my little cupcakes 😥

Enough with my own problems; I’m here to talk (type) about something more important than malfunctioning websites (or hackers… *Narrows eyes*)

So I wonder if you can actually get the topic of this post just by the title. I’ll give you 5 seconds…

five…

four…

threetwoone

So today’s topic is about transgenderism (I don’t know why the red squiggly line is appearing- I’m pretty sure it’s a word) and transsexuality. (Seriously what’s with the squiggly lines? It actually came up for the word ‘blogs’ as well…)

Recently I started reading a comic I was stalling for a long time. I guess the long text and the lack of yaoi/slash was getting to me. But now I’ve picked it up again and I am OBSESSED. I HAVE BEEN READING IT NONSTOP but I stopped at chapter 20 because I was getting close to the latest page and that would mean days of waiting in agony. Just the thought of knowing I have a few chapters left makes me feel relieved even if I’m still waiting in agony. Funny, huh? But I digress. Anyway, let me tell you a bit about this comic.

Rain is a a webcomic drawn by Jocelyn Samara about a trans girl called Rain (That’s her in the middle with one eye) She moves to a new town with her Aunt Fara (the one on the far left with the red hair and huge smile) so she can start afresh, living life as the girl she was always meant to be. As you probably would have guessed, she makes quite a bit of friends along the way, a lot of which belong to the LGBTQ+, who learn of her secret but accept her anyway and support her. It’s about the good times, the bad times, the funny time, the sad times- everything you’d expect in a story about an average teenage girl… in a boy’s body.

You should go ahead and read it if you like LGBTQ+ stuff or if you want to learn more about it or to just enjoy a good story. Well it’s not like I’m trying to sell it or anything and it’s not a review or anything.

By the way, did you notice what Jocelyn did with the umbrellas? I think it’s pretty neat. If you didn’t- click here and you will. I guarantee.

Anyway, after reading the comic I think I began to understand transsexuality and stuff a lot better. Even me who is pretty much obsessed with lgbt, realised I was a lot more ignorant than I thought. I never really understood how much pain and hurt people go through- being in the wrong body. Having a body that doesn’t agree with your gender- the very sex of your brain. Yes, brains have sex. (I actually saw this line on a website and actually burst out laughing. Seriously, what is wrong with me?) Trans people try so hard to pass and it really is tough.

People, myself included (at least before), may think that you can just get a sex change and everything will be hunky-dory but I’ve realised it’s not that simple. I mean you have to find a therapist, be on hormones which you have to take for quite a long time before you see drastic changes, while you in the meanwhile have to make sure you keep as healthy as possible and I mean healthy so your body doesn’t freak with the sudden influx of hormones that are battling against the ones you are making and then, of course the surgery, And there are a lot of health risks; even cancer, heart attacks and er… death- and those are associated with the hormones, or so I’ve read. I’m not an expert in this, just so you know. I’m only just learning.

And you know, even during transition, you still have to live your life as usual. Which would be hunky-dory if it weren’t for the fact that people are a-holes. I was shocked to learn that people actually KILL people for trying to be true to themselves and to other people. I don’t know about you but I can’t really understand that. Then again, I never really understood discrimination… It just really saddens me and I wonder how scared I would be if I were ever in that situation.

If someone had a girlfriend/boyfriend who actually came out as trans, they would most probably be upset they didn’t tell them, if not already disgusted by the fact that they actually dated a ‘dude’/’girl’. I guess I’d understand why someone would be upset; they’d probably feel betrayed being lied to, or maybe just upset they didn’t trust them enough to tell them. But the fact of the matter is that if they are trying to live as they truly are, why should they go around tell people that their body is different? Why would they. Being that way makes people so upset that some even commit suicide, so it makes sense that they’d want to forget about it and move on with their lives. I surely don’t want to tell people that I was used to be rude bitch with anger-management problems. I’ve moved on with my life and I hate it when people bring it up. In fact I felt a little pain typing that sentence.

The only time I think it’s appropriate to inform your partner is when you are engaged. Maybe a bit before then even, but you know marriage is along the way. My main reason for that is sex and having children. I feel if you can’t have children due to complications, you ought to let your partner know beforehand. A plus side, I believe, is if you tell them and they still love you as much as before, then that proves they’re most probably the one.

There’s also something else I learnt yesterday that sort of cured me of my ignorance, the one that both surprised me and didn’t. I read somewhere that due to the level of certain hormones, or an imbalance of hormone (I failed to remember this part, sorry…) during an important part of the development of a baby’s brain, certain parts are changed. If the sex of the baby is a boy, it’s possible that the hormones can actually change the sex of the brain! Other parts of the body would most probably be unaffected as they aren’t as sensitive as the brain. It actually turns out a boy brain and a girl brain are actually wired differently- if I read correctly. It could me more accurate diagnoses and perhaps a ‘cure’ for the disorder, although I doubt anyone would want a cure like that because despite all the pain and suffering of living with the wrong body and the time and effort you put into transitioning- it’s worth it in the end, I think. Worth more than deleting who you are- your very essence, just so you can be what society calls normal. Rather, you could probably think of transitioning as a cure in itself. It means you stop being this weird girl trapped in a boy/ boy trapped in a girl and start being the girl/boy you are- both inside and out. Which is awesome.

The author/artist of Rain is trans too and she posts updates about her transition too. In her before picture- before transitioning- she doesn’t look too happy, looking like a man and all, but in the after picture, and pictures after that, she’s all smiley and happy (and really pretty if I do say so myself :3 ). If that’s not a cure then I don’t know what is. Here’s a pic of her actually.

She reminds me of my maths teacher… Maybe it’s the glasses. Or maybe it’s the smile.

Sorry this is a long post and it’s suddenly out of the blue and all over the place, but I felt I had to. I’m not that convinced many people know much about transsexuality and unless you’re trans yourself, you’ll never fully understand what it’s like. I just hoped I helped improve your understanding. If I’ve gotten anything wrong on here, it’s either because I got one hour’s sleep last night and am not that awake, or because I’ve misunderstood anything. If you notice a mistake, please please please tell me as soon as you can. Otherwise, please share this to whoever you can and improve people’s understanding so we can all live much better ignorant free lives- or at least close to that.

For more, reliable info, take a look at transsexual.org. That’s where I got most of the information from. They’ve got tooooons of info, and even goes into a lot of detail of the transition process. The rest of my current knowledge from reading comics and other stuff so please don’t judge me.

Well, that’s all for now, folks! I’m hungry… And I want my cupcakes back… Wait… did I just make a funny?

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Windows Phoners

Okay, first? No free WordPress app for Windows Phones? Not fair. I like free apps that function properly. Actually it’s not just WordPress- it’s everything. For most app adverts I see the signs for android and apple or whatever and I notice Windows app store (or whatever it’s called) is always missing. Come on, developers! We Windows Phoners use apps too! Dont leave it to those fakers to con us into downloading pieces of excrement!

Ugh… You know what? My next phone’s gonna be a Samsung I can’t take this anymore. It’s taken me half an hour to write 13 sentences after continuously poking my phone to get it to write in the right place…

…I’ve had a lot of doughnuts…

EpicCipc…
EpocCu…
EpicCipcak-
AAAAAAARRGGGGH!
EpicCupcake signing out. (Nailed it 😉 )

Partners in Crime Reunite?

Two posts in a day! WHOOP! This was actually meant to go with my last post but I don’t like it when my posts exceed a certain limit. Nice and short is how I like my posts- niiiice and shooooooorrrtt.

Over study leave and during exams, I got to hang out with Phoenix a lot. And Phoenix is awesome so naturally I was sad when college resumed and we had to go our separate ways (you know what I mean). She’s always in the art department and I’m always… not. So on Monday I decided to gather enough courage to ask to hang out with her. She, being the awesome friend she said we should totally hang out but if it was okay to meet her in one of the art rooms cause she had some coursework to do. So while she worked, I was content in just watching her and doing random crap on one of the computers. At one point we went hang with the some other people who do art or the like. It was a little awkward because apart from two of them (and Phoenix, of course), I had never talked to them much or ever before. Even so they were nice and one of the girls shared her party rings with me so yeah, it’s hard not to enjoy yourself when you get free food and watch funny and disturbing horror film trailers.

Anyway, whilst I was there, Grace walked in a couple of times. I never said a word to her. In fact, at one point, I was in that art computer room by myself and she was the only one in the room and that still never urged me to talk to her. She didn’t say anything to me in particular. At least nothing I remember.

Since that Monday I got sort of accustomed to that room. I mean I can chill in there and do whatever and no one asks questions or tells me to get lost so I just go there sometimes. Hence why I was there when I made my Left-handed Girl post. Actually I think that was on Monday…

So, one day, Tori and I were chilling in the art computer room and we literally just sat there and played games. I was playing Pepper Panic on Royal Games so I hardly paid attention to anyone- even when Tori was talking to me (I know, I’m so rude…) When I was in the middle of a game I thought would go well, Grace came from out of nowhere and asked me how I was. I said fine and nothing else. I didn’t ask her how she was because I reckoned she didn’t really mean it in that much of a friendly way. I mean, she’s said hi to me before when we were in close proximity for some reason so I didn’t take much notice of it. Also… I was playing Pepper Panic! (Sue me!)

When she continued talking, I realised that this wasn’t one of those random ‘how do you do’s. She started speaking to me normally as we did in high school. She was talking to me about her predicted grades and how she doesn’t know how she did better in drama than art and stuff like that. I was listening but I must’ve looked so rude because I looked totally disinterested when really I was just too focused on winning lots of jewels that day. When I WASN’T playing though, I realised that I was talking almost like normal only that my voice was a little flat because this is a girl I haven’t talked to for over a year acting like we’re amigas.

But you know, even though I had a face that said “Hmm, so it took you a year to finally come and properly talk to me, huh?”, I was secretly happy inside. A little big-headed, but mostly glad that we were talking. Because in truth I really missed her. I missed hanging out with her and laughing we her and having stupid pointless debates. I mean I gotten over that chapter of my life and I won’t die if we don’t become partners in crime once again, but it would be nice if we did, you know. I won’t wish for it, but if it’s meant to happy, I want it to happen. If she genuinely wanted to be friends again, for us to be that comedy duo again (Her being the funny (wo)man and me being the (not so) straight (cis-)man), then yeah! Let it be! At least this time, if Grace goes away again, I won’t be so weak about it. But, if it does happen, it probably means that Grace realises just how special our relationship was.

But this is all hypothetical. I’m quite content playing Pepper Panic for the time being. :3

BADASS

(A more accurate representation of the difference in our height)

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Apparently the Man in Asda was Right

Pfft, y-yeah r-r-right! He wishes! *rolls eyes and sashays away all over the top and totally unconvincing*

So I’ve been reading a lot of comics lately, which all just so happen to be lgbt related, and I sometimes come across gender queer characters so naturally it got me thinking, ‘What’s my gender?’. Of course I’ve doubted my gender before as I did with my sexuality wondering if I’m really male inside or female or whatever. So i’ve done a couple of gender tests (because I just love online tests- ever tried a psychopath test?) my favourite being the BBC brain sex test. I’ve done it two or three times now  and on a scale of, let’s say, -50 (female) and +50 (male), I got about -20  to -10. Now I know one test or even a bunch of online tests can’t really tell you what your gender is, but it’s not always too far away.

When I was younger I used to try my best to be more girly. Like other girls I’d experiment with my hair and with makeup (even though I was lazy back then). I love skirts and dresses and prayed to God every night that my boobs would grow to at least a D (my prayers weren’t answered :/ ) I distinctly remember one day being mistaken for a boy. I wore this massive coat at the time with my hood right up and I was shopping in Asda with my mum. She dropped her keys or something and I went to pick it up. This old guy turned to me and said I was  a good boy, helping my mum like that. I wanted to strangle him just stood there like an idiot while my mum laughed her head off and explained to him politely that I did not have an appendage between my legs.

Even though I sure as hell didn’t want to be a boy, I always thought it would be cool to have a dick. I pretty sure I went into detail about this in a previous post so I’m not going to elaborate (I know you’re just gonna type ‘dicks’ in the search bar anyway…) and while I liked to do my barbie dolls hair, I also like playing with boys toys and was relieved that my parents got me a cool blue and yellow bike instead of the pink one my sister had (Though she had these nice streamer like ribbon thingies spewing out of her handle bars and I was pretty jealous of that.)

As  I grew older I lost the will to be girly and gave up with the whole makeup thing, like I’ve probably mentioned before. And it’s not only that I gave up but I know since I started college, I have wanted to dress more masculine and I would wear baggy hoodies so my boobs wouldn’t stand out. I’d wall like a guy and sit like a guy and I liked the thought of someone mistaking me as a guy. Heck ,I’ve even accepted my man voice and have honed in on my skills and now I sing Japanese songs (and this one Indonesian song) like a guy and I actually like the way I sound. I’m even doing exercise everyday so I can get a six-pack even though I claimed to have hated these on guys.

But this doesn’t mean I’ve stopped acting like a ‘girl’, mind you. I sometimes feel the urge to wear pretty short skirts and colourful tops and look cute and stuff. I still don’t wear makeup, and don’t plan to either, but I’ve definitely been taking more care of my hair rather than walking out of my house looking like I’d just crawled out of a dustbin. Oh, and I also painted my nails… twice… and before then I hadn’t touched my nails in years (I’d file them but that’s cause they feel nice and smooth afterwards)

So as you can see I sometimes feel I have issues with gender identity, but if I had to go with one gender, I’d definitely choose female because, to be honest, despite everything that’s how I truly feel. Maybe that’s just based with the fact that to me, certain behavours don’t belong exclusively to one gender. Or, it could always be based on the fact that I sure as hell do not want to be called ‘sir’ or ‘Mr Butterson’ or anything like that.

So yeah, cis-female. That might change in the future because usually when I say I’m not something, I end up being just that. Irony. Stupid irony.

You know, my sexuality has always been a little old which is why it took me essentially 4-5 years to figure it out. Even know it’s still a little weird to me. Sometimes I show little to no interest in girls and then suddenly I’m like ‘Wow, girls are wonderful! Why do guys exist again?’. And when it comes to guys I’m only attracted to a select few, thinks some of the others are alright and then I’m scared of the rest. Not that there’s anything wrong with guys, just that I can’t handle a swarm of them (luckily I hardly have to worry about that *cries*). Deciding on bi, or pan if you want to be accurate, works for me because I know I’m somewhere in that middle zone of sexuality. When it comes to gender I’m not picky not because I’m open to stuff, but because I honestly can’t see why you wouldn’t date someone based on gender or sex alone. Well, that’s just the opinion of this piece of cookware.

But back to gender…

I did this genderqueer test today, expecting to get either cis-female or maybe slightly genderqueer, but no…

I got cis-male…

CIS-MALE

cis-male

(Yes, I have a windows phone)

I’m STILL laughing. Apparently the man in Asda was right. I’VE BEEN DECEIVED!

And I don’t like chick flicks either :/

Yeah, so, lesson of the day- your gender is what you say it is! Despite how you act or whatever. Don’t always trust these online tests, especially those which tell you that your biological sex is not what you thought it was. Lesson well learnt… Still gonna keep doing these tests though 😉

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Left-handed girl in a Right-handed world

Hello people of the internet. You have once again stumbled onto my little blog of epicness for some reason. No, don’t go, I’ll be lonely! 😦

Aaaaanyway, finally my exams are finished and I can finally chill and get on with my life, right?

WRONG. Now stupid exams are out of the way I now have to write that damned personal statement, go to uni open days to unis a million miles away, look for some sort of work experience and whatever stuff I still haven’t worked out yet. Yeah… life is sooo chilled.

But right now, I  guess, I am chilled because I am sitting in on of my college’s art rooms looking at the blog a group that make one of my favourite comics – That’s Mahou Shounen Fight by Scuttlebutt Ink. And (if you’re familiar with anime, manga and the like) no, this is not manga. It is an OEL comic. I might write a post about them on my other blog at some point.

But I digress (as usual)

What I’m basically trying to say (or write rather) is that I have literally nothing to do. No lessons for another couple of hours, no homework or coursework because I don’t do coursework-y subjects. (Heck, I don’t even do art and yet here I am… No one’s told me to leave yet though so until then I’m just gonna chill.) So I thought I should write a post for all the lovely people who actually take time out of their lives to read what I have to say. As a little thank you. And also so I don’t waste your time.

Now exams are over, I’ll be posting more regularly so expect the front page to be loaded with all sorts of nonsense that comes into my brain.

And here’s some more nonsense!

Recently, over these past few days, or maybe even weeks, I’ve been thinking about discrimination. A type of distrimination that nobody ever thinks about and people laugh at me when I express my deep annoyance. Now I’m not sure if it has a name or anything so I’m just going to name it – ‘Handednessism or Handism maybe? (I’m not really that good at naming things…)

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I find it annoying that almost everything in this country is only designed for righthanded people and not left handed people. I mean sure they’ve made left handed scissors (which actually doesn’t benefit me because oddly enough I cut with my right hand) and left handed pens but what about left handed rulers?

Yes I know it sounds stupid, but let me tell you this: One day I was doing a past paper and I had to use a ruler to draw a line and I had to draw it a certain length. However in order to measure the line as I drew it, I had to either:

  1. Measure backwards
  2. Draw the line to the right using my left hand (which is super hard and probably impossible for me to do neatly) or…
  3. Start using my right hand (not gonna happen).

In the end I chose option one which is quite hard for me for some reason. Maybe I just can’t subtract well. I normally just count the centimeters.

Another thing, which isn’t really a rant because I know it can’t be helped but I wanted to mention – It is actually hard to write from left to right. I don’t know if other left-handers can relate but it’s actually really unnatural. Right-handers have it easy; they just pull their hand as they go, dragging their hand across the page. Left-handers on the other hand (haha) have to sort of push their hand as they go and angle their hand in a way so they don’t drag their hands over the page and smudge their work – hence why I never use those inky pens (After using those my hands are almost completely blue). Also I find it hard to write on whiteboards too. Totally sucks. I actually write a lot better with my right hand on whiteboards and it’s really neat for some reason.

Oh and did you know that in a lot of languages the word right means correct and the word left means wrong? It shows that people loooove left-handers. So much so that in the past they tried to force lefties to write with their right hands when they were young and when they grew up they couldn’t write well with either. Very nice and totally completely positively fair.

I’m gonna stop here cause I’m probably going to log off soon but expect more from me soon.

Unless I just cannot physically get up and type due to my sheer laziness.

~EpicCupcake signing out.