Exceeeept it isn’t really!

‘Sup.

Yeah, it’s been a while- a whole year I think.

Don’t get me wrong, I won’t be posting on here again, unless it’s something important about this blog or something.

Bottom line is, I’ve started a new blog. Blogging is actually kinda really fun, and I feel like I’ve undergone quite some change, so I’d like to start afresh.

 

So this is MyNameIsEpicCupcake’s final dying breath… and it’s using it to promote my new blog

Peanut Talks!

I won’t say much about it, but know that I have changed quite a bit during my absence so don’t expect me to have the same opinions and world views… if I actually had any…

Alright, now I’m pushing it. So this is really goodbye, but also hello to my new blog. If you want to keep up with me and what I’m doing and thinking, come on over and join me at Peanut Talks. Or you can cradle the remains of this old blog of mine.

Your choice.

That’s it! Now (hopefully) for the finally time…!

~EpicCupcake signing out.

That’s It

Hey Guys.

It’s been months, and for good reason.

I’ve decided I’m not going to continue with this blog.

When I started this blog… well I had a lot of time on my hands… but I also wanted to give it a go- being open and honest and silly and stuff. I’ve had a lot of fun, but recently the blog had become a chore. Yes, a chore. I felt I had to go ahead a post regularly because it was my responsibility and I didn’t like that much. I haven’t got as much time on my hands as before. I don’t have time for long rambley posts, no matter how much I enjoy them.

So I’ve decided this’ll be the last post. I sorry if you enjoyed reading my posts. If you really think I’m witty and funny, I’m sure you’ll find me elsewhere on the internet as FujoshiPeanut. Mostly on webcomic sites. I’m gonna leave up my posts though- in case anyone wants to read. I’m not a fan of deleting things. This place is like a journal too, even I like to look back at past posts. And I’ll reply to comments if you leave any. Probably. :/

I’ll end this, not with a bye, but with a see you later (probs) because we may probably meet in the future (online- I highly doubt we’d meet offline, I live under a rock) as FujoshiPeanut or some other name. Heck, if I start blogging again or drawing a comic or something, I might even post links here just in case (If I do, you better subscribe!)

So… see ya suckers! ;P

Just kidding, can’t leave without saying a huge thank you to all of you wonderful lost travellers who stumbled upon my blog AND ACTUALLY STAYED. You guys RULE.

Laters! ❤

Kimoi... My message to all bullies I spilt it...

~EpicCupcake signing out.

 

From where we began

I don’t even know why I have a blog when I don’t even use it.

I’m sorry, yes I know I suck but… you’re still here so…

Well I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been quite busy. Seriously. Like now I finally have free time. I’ve finished my mock exams which I’m hoping to pass and I’ve had one university interview which I stressed over so much even though I’m not planning on going there but want to do the best in everything I do because I’m just like that.

All this and everything to do with myself and my affect on others have stressed me out and I’ve shouted and punched and swore and cried more in these last few weeks than I would 3 months. So… yeah… Actually got into a huge fight with Tori which really scarred me because it was at that moment that I realised that whatever this is- my uncontrollable emotions and irrational thoughts and my behaviour in response to those- it’s really going to put a strain on all my relationships and that scared me. Single ‘r’. I am working towards this though. I’m not just sitting around waiting for things to change when I’m the one who needs to do the changing.

Some time ago (maybe early November) my form tutor noticed something off about me one day. I didn’t tell her what was wrong because honestly I had nothing to say. I don’t think she bought it. We talked the next day and I explained some of it. I told her about my emotions and snapping at people and that painful feeling in my chest. She recommended I go see the counsellor and I just instantly said yes because I was done with myself and felt that, yes- it’s time for change.

I was terrified about seeing the counsellor. Not because on an social anxiety, but because I was worried I’d waste her time and that I wouldn’t know what to say. But it turned out I had nothing to worry about. She was really nice, honest and straightforward. She said things how they were. She didn’t judge me or anything and I felt like I could really trust her. But I think the best thing about going to see her was the fact that she was able to take the things I said, the thoughts that have been all jumbled up in my head, and sort them out and tell me what she thought and that’s really helped. I now understand why I act the way I do a lot more even if there are still gaps in the puzzle. (Puzzles, by the way, are awesome. Just saying.)

She said that some of the things I mentioned reminded her of a condition called Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome, otherwise known as PDA. It’s considered to be on the autism spectrum despite having certain contradictory aspects. I’m not saying I have PDA and neither did she, but it helped to understand more about what I was going through and what I can do to improve things. So far I haven’t got much since I only found out about this condition last week but now at least whenever I feel that feeling in my chest I know that I’m feeling anxiety about something so I try to fill my mind with rational thoughts while my rational mind is still in control to sort of calm me down. When that doesn’t work I normally isolate myself. Being around people in those situations make me more anxious. I’m going to find out more strategies for beating anxiety and hopeful I’ll be able to discuss this with the counsellor (forgive me if I’ve spelt this wrong throughout… oh, wait, I think I’ve corrected them all…) That’s all I’m going to say on that. Short and sweet. That’s the way.

I won’t bother you with details about university applications. 2 offers so far. AAB. No unconditionals :'(. Well a conditional is better than nothing so honestly I can’t complain. More interviews to come. Bleh.

About Mochi who I mentioned in my last post? I’ve got a crush on him. A bad crush but he’s so cute so you can’t blame me 😉 Phases 1 & 2 have been successfully executed (we’re friends and I’ve got his number *evil laugh*) phase 3 is now in action (whatever the heck it is)

But now on to the main part of the post.

When I think of why I started this blog, one of the reasons was the fact that I couldn’t talk, so I wrote instead. Communicating was never that easy. I don’t really know why I never talk or why I was so shy. Maybe it was just a natural thing and that I would come out of my shell eventually.

Right now I find it hard to believe that I ever thought I had social anxiety. Yes, I was very much socially awkward and yes, I didn’t speak or interact with others that much. I’m still like that now. Sort of. But now I speak a lot more and to a lot more people. I’ve somehow got past thinking that no one would want to talk to me and I feel free to talk to people when I want to.

Another thing, which may sound a little contradictory, is that I’m less afraid of being seen alone. I used to think that people would laugh at me and call me a loner. I wasn’t completely wrong, but I know that in Sixth Form, people have a lot more to think about and do than to pick on people. Being alone doesn’t make me sad or a loner. For one thing I have friends who I do hang out with often, but I’m the kind of person who enjoys solitude a lot too. Being alone lets me think and I’m a thinker so that’s kind of important to me.

I’ve always been so concerned about how people see me and it’s made me put up sort of a fake persona, in my eyes. So I’m trying to be more true to myself and only fake it for interviews and stuff ;). Just kidding. Sort of.

I’m digressing, I can tell.

The point is, I’ve changed. And I feel so far away from where I began 2/3 years ago when I started posting. My negligence in posting is probably due to having less of a need to write (as well as my laziness, I’ll admit). I feel my world is getting bigger. I’m growing up. I’m interacting with people. I feel like slowly and surely I’ve found myself in the world I could never find- if that’s makes sense. Generally, I feel a lot happier not giving into shyness and fear, and talking and participating more. I don’t so much feel like I’m on the sidelines anymore. I’m there. On the playing field or whatever. And I’m having fun! Really! I’m still quite a quiet person, but nonetheless I’m out there.

What I’m writing feels like a happy ending. It’s not. So I’m probably not going to stop blogging even though I’m spending more time out than in and socialising more. I’ve still got issues I’ve got to work out and I still don’t get people all that well but I’m getting there.

I actually feel pretty positive about the future!

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Left-handed girl in a Right-handed world

Hello people of the internet. You have once again stumbled onto my little blog of epicness for some reason. No, don’t go, I’ll be lonely! 😦

Aaaaanyway, finally my exams are finished and I can finally chill and get on with my life, right?

WRONG. Now stupid exams are out of the way I now have to write that damned personal statement, go to uni open days to unis a million miles away, look for some sort of work experience and whatever stuff I still haven’t worked out yet. Yeah… life is sooo chilled.

But right now, I  guess, I am chilled because I am sitting in on of my college’s art rooms looking at the blog a group that make one of my favourite comics – That’s Mahou Shounen Fight by Scuttlebutt Ink. And (if you’re familiar with anime, manga and the like) no, this is not manga. It is an OEL comic. I might write a post about them on my other blog at some point.

But I digress (as usual)

What I’m basically trying to say (or write rather) is that I have literally nothing to do. No lessons for another couple of hours, no homework or coursework because I don’t do coursework-y subjects. (Heck, I don’t even do art and yet here I am… No one’s told me to leave yet though so until then I’m just gonna chill.) So I thought I should write a post for all the lovely people who actually take time out of their lives to read what I have to say. As a little thank you. And also so I don’t waste your time.

Now exams are over, I’ll be posting more regularly so expect the front page to be loaded with all sorts of nonsense that comes into my brain.

And here’s some more nonsense!

Recently, over these past few days, or maybe even weeks, I’ve been thinking about discrimination. A type of distrimination that nobody ever thinks about and people laugh at me when I express my deep annoyance. Now I’m not sure if it has a name or anything so I’m just going to name it – ‘Handednessism or Handism maybe? (I’m not really that good at naming things…)

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I find it annoying that almost everything in this country is only designed for righthanded people and not left handed people. I mean sure they’ve made left handed scissors (which actually doesn’t benefit me because oddly enough I cut with my right hand) and left handed pens but what about left handed rulers?

Yes I know it sounds stupid, but let me tell you this: One day I was doing a past paper and I had to use a ruler to draw a line and I had to draw it a certain length. However in order to measure the line as I drew it, I had to either:

  1. Measure backwards
  2. Draw the line to the right using my left hand (which is super hard and probably impossible for me to do neatly) or…
  3. Start using my right hand (not gonna happen).

In the end I chose option one which is quite hard for me for some reason. Maybe I just can’t subtract well. I normally just count the centimeters.

Another thing, which isn’t really a rant because I know it can’t be helped but I wanted to mention – It is actually hard to write from left to right. I don’t know if other left-handers can relate but it’s actually really unnatural. Right-handers have it easy; they just pull their hand as they go, dragging their hand across the page. Left-handers on the other hand (haha) have to sort of push their hand as they go and angle their hand in a way so they don’t drag their hands over the page and smudge their work – hence why I never use those inky pens (After using those my hands are almost completely blue). Also I find it hard to write on whiteboards too. Totally sucks. I actually write a lot better with my right hand on whiteboards and it’s really neat for some reason.

Oh and did you know that in a lot of languages the word right means correct and the word left means wrong? It shows that people loooove left-handers. So much so that in the past they tried to force lefties to write with their right hands when they were young and when they grew up they couldn’t write well with either. Very nice and totally completely positively fair.

I’m gonna stop here cause I’m probably going to log off soon but expect more from me soon.

Unless I just cannot physically get up and type due to my sheer laziness.

~EpicCupcake signing out.