Imaginary Schrödinger’s Person

Let me tell you what I’ve done today…

I woke up… at 12

I read a book… like 5 pages

I played games… on my phone

I watched 1.5 movies… yeah…

And it’s almost eight now and I don’t believe I’ve done anything meaningful today.

You know, I can fool myself that I’m content with spending everyday on my computer and sort of reading books and definitely reading comics for quite a while, but I can’t fool myself forever.

I’m bored.

I need to do something.

Something meaningful.

Unfortunately I have neither the energy nor social skills to do anything. I am actually quite a boring person.

I don’t know why I have this crazy idea in my head that if I had a boyfriend or a girlfriend that my life will suddenly have meaning. That I have to have someone to complete me. That life will start only then and I should just wait and be bored before then.

Some time ago, about when I started this blog or at least a year from then, I used to have these thoughts all the time and it seriously bugged me. Perhaps that was what made me so glum. Now-a-days I just fly by in life, not thinking about those things and to be honest, I’ve been happy since I started college- since I stopped thinking about those kinds of things.

Of course that was when I was still head over heels (or hills or whatever the expression is ‘m too lazy to google right now, sorry) for Phoenix so I only concentrated on one person and not the whole bunch of people who couldn’t care less about me. But now I’m really done with that. I’m ready to close that chapter of my life but it’s hard, you know? I can’t help that whenever we talk on WhatsApp, I get really happy and excited and my heart just warms up. I can’t help that there’s always that feeling deep inside- that relentless feeling- that still has feelings for her. And boy is it annoying! On results’ day I met her by chance and as usual, I stuck to her like glue and went back to the hall so she could collect her results instead of leaving with my own and meeting my cousin as planned. I then met my other friends and I wanted to talk to them but Phoenix had to go because her girlfriend was waiting outside. I felt a pang of something but I said bye and let her go without me. There was no way I was gonna hang around with her girlfriend. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this but her girlfriend went to our high school. We had English together. So did Phoenix. I never really liked her that much because I thought she looked down on me. What made that day worse is that I bumped into Phoenix when I was leaving the college and she was with her and some others. Thank goodness her girlfriend had her back to me, It would hurt to look at her face. Her hair was really nice though. Really really nice. As if my hair, I mean day, wasn’t bad enough.

So now, even though I am getting over it, I still want to be in a relationship. To get my mind off everything and just chill. To be able to be happy for my friend.

But you know, there has to be more to life. I don’t want to put my faith in dating to make life more exciting. True, it would make life more exciting, but I don’t think it’s the kind of excitement I’m looking for. I just want to make the most of every day and live life to the full. Try new things. Go to new places. Learn more about myself and the world. Get closer with my friends (in an extrememly platonic way- I don’t want this emotions rollercoaster I experienced thanks to my undying- and I MEAN UNDYING– love for Phoenix) and actually hang out with them! Instead of being a loner at home all the time because it’s easier that way.

But you know, I’m only 17 and I’ve got extremely strict parents. What can I actually do? My parents want me to be at home 24/7 and even if they don’t I have nowhere to go. Even though I’ve sort of gotten over my fear of opening my mouth and letting words come out instead of silence, I’m no social butterfly and my friends are very limited. And going places costs money! I’ve spent over £50 this holiday and I’m still recovering from my last bank statement.

But I guess there’s no harm in trying to get out of the house. I could force my friends to introduce me new people and I could wave my results in front of my parents face if I get invited to a party or something. I don’t know. I shouldn’t think about all the stuff I’m not doing and want to be doing. I should just focus on making myself happy and living each day to the full (and not sleeping in till the afternoon)

So the question: ‘Is the more to life?’

Answer? : ‘Most definitely.’

Of course, I knew that.

The real question is: ‘Is there more to my life?’

And the answer? : ‘There will be, if I make the effort.’

I can definitely live my life to the full without a boyfriend/girlfriend and it’s time I start believing in myself and not this imaginary Schrödinger’s person.

I’ve realised all I need is a little bit of confidence.

A little bit of confidence can go a long way.

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Because I’m Stupid 2

Sir, yes, Sir!

EpicCupake reporting for duty!

Wow! Another post today? Go me!

So I’m finally back from my first volunteering experience in a shop. I was at the tip ALL DAY and let me tell you it is hard work. I mean, sometimes I’m just sitting there and there are no customers or just a few ‘window shopping’, but then other times there will be customer after customer and I was at the till by myself and I had absolutely no idea how to use it. The girl before me showed me the ropes, but it was all very confusing. There were a million and one buttons, so many codes to enter… The wasn’t bar codes or anything on donated goods so most of it I had to select what it was and write the price. Which was actually quite difficult because I didn’t know what anything was. I couldn’t tell if some clothes where men’s or women’s or children’s, I couldn’t tell what to putt hoodies and cardigans under. At some point I just selected random stuff and it didn’t really matter because most people didn’t care for receipts.

There was this one lady who I felt sorry for. She was only buying something one pound and I pressed the wrong thing on the till and there’s no return button and I was panicking and the lady just eventually gave me the pound and said it was okay, that she didn’t need a receipt. I was relieved… until I realised I had to sort out this son of a till for the next customer. Hahhhhhhhhhhhhhh… It was tiring…

There was this other lady who kept making me call the manager and I felt so bad because the bell was so loud and annoying and (because of this customer) constant. I also failed yet again when this lady asked if she could wrap up the plate and I started panicking because I had no idea what to use. So I called the manager yet again and she said to use the newspaper under the till. I smiled awkwardly and told her I wasn’t really sure how to wrap it. I don’t think she got what I was hinting at (as well as blatantly saying) so in the end the woman had to wrap it herself. At least she was nice about it.

I remember at one point the manager came to ask me a favour. I thought she wanted me to help with the stock in the back or something, but then I saw her writing something on a piece of paper:

Chicken nuggets

Salad

…She was writing her lunch order. I had to go to the fish and chip shop and buy her lunch… I hope she didn’t my bewildered expression. She probably did. I just couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t angry, just really surprised. And while I was in that chip shop smelling the golden brown chips as they cooked, I felt like punching myself. I hadn’t brought any lunch. I hadn’t brought any money. The last time I had eaten was about nine. I WAS STARVING. I didn’t leave till sometime past five and it was cold and raining and the bus times were deceiving me and I was just so hungry!

I can be so stupid sometimes.

But there were donuts and dinner waiting for me at home 🙂

That’s enough for today.

I’m exhausted.

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Finally Giving In / The Dreaded E-word / Three Evil Exes

That’s it. I’ve had enough.

This is HALF TERM. Why am I spending it doing revision 24/7? It’s Saturday and in a few hours from now, I’m going to head down to my current volunteering placement thingy in Cancer Research UK. I was really nervous when I was heading over there, but the manager seemed (surprisingly) young and had this huge aura of niceness so I feel a little calmer now. I think I’m just gonna slack of this morning. Revision is seriously getting to me…

You know it’s really hard to balance your school work with all this extracurricular stuff, volunteering and placements. I went to the HealthCare club in my college where they had a talk about Personal Statements and more and now I’m just lost because one thing that kept coming up was ‘extracurricular activities’ and I was just thinking to myself:

‘I do… nothing…’

So now I’m sort of like freaking out and trying to look for stuff I can join and do and stuff, but it’s hard because I’m socially awkward. I know I’ve said over and over that it’s all about exposure to this kind of stuff but quite frankly the whole idea still scares me. And why wouldn’t it? Still I’m gonna try, I’m gonna scare myself into not being scared… if that makes sense.

I considered doing sports. Tori and I have been to the sports hall and played a bit of table tennis and badminton, but I’m not sure I want to do that. Just because I showed her my wrath in table tennis, she will never let that I lost to her in badminton go. I mean, when she talks about how hard maths is, she says:

‘I fail in maths like you fail in badminton.’ And then she laughs. Yes, thanks for that Tori. For highlighting my inability to play badminton. Actually, I think I’m quite good for someone who sucks at sport.

So sports is out of the question. (To be honest, it’s always been out of the question) but seriously, I don’t know what’s left. I used to play the piano, but stopped at grade 2 without doing the exam. I guess I could always say ‘I play the piano from time to time.’ but for some reason I can imagine them whipping out a piano from thin air and demanding me to play it.

But seriously, what else is there? I’m trying to join as many clubs as I can- like debate club for example. I know that sort of puts me in an awkward position- me standing up and screaming out my beliefs- but it seems kind fun and there are some occasions where my social anxiety fails to show up. Like when I did Annie back in primary school. I was Miss Hannigan and excuse my unmodest-ness  but I killed it. At that point I even considered acting as a career, as well as dancing, but I thought ‘no, I belong to science’.

I remember when I was righting the first draft of my CV and I was trying to think of what to write under hobbies. My real hobbies (other than blogging once a millennium) include reading manga and doujin, watching anime, j-dramas, k-dramas, t-dramas and countless E4 shows and there is absolutely no way I can write that without seeming like a TV addict and a Sofa Bear.

I saw this example CV they showed us in college and the person had written that they like the relax with a nice book and go on walks or something. Basic stuff like that. Not like ‘I’m an Olympic Archer and am part of a netball team, I help out in my local youth club and organise evens and perfect perfect perfect’.

I still have yet to touch my CV. I don’t really want to see it for a while…

But forget about all that jazz. Today I want to focus on how many different endings I can get on sim date games by Pacthesis. I think my favourite has to be this one– you should play it; it’s very goooood XD If case you don’t know, a sim date or dating sim is a game where you have to get you relationship points up with a guy (or a girl, depending) so until you reach dating status and to win you have to win someones heart and stuff. Some can be so long and it’s so rewarding when you win. I once played this one called pico sim date. IT WAS THE WORST. SERIOUSLY THERE IS NO WAY TO WIN. YOU CAN ONLY GO AFTER ONE GIRL (because the main character likes her) AND IF YOU TALK TO HER SOME EMO NINJAS COME AND ATTACK YOU AND IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU WORK OUT IN THE GYM, YOU CANT WIN. Moving on.

After hours of revision, I lost it one day I played the memory days sim date like a million times trying to get this ending and finally- I DID IT!

Three Evil Exes

To get this ending, you have to date all three boys and then break up with them, without becoming friends again and now that I think about it, I can’t believe how hard it was to get there. Once I was close but became friends withthe last guy after saying ‘I just want to be friends’. I thought that would make him hate me for sure, but we became friends… Then I got this ending:

The three evil exes ending was funny though. In the end, the whenever the girl gets another boyfriend, her three evil exes drive him away. Apparently, they still really like her. Even though she broke their hearts. Like, stamped on them. It took a lot of will power to get this ending…

That’s enough for this post, before I digress again.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to do something extremely productive

Read book (yaoi)

sidebyside_11

Seme wa dare? And where are your spiky teeth, Rin? 😦

GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

IT’S TOO BRIGHT!!! MABUSHIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

…What did I just see…?

Heehee 😀

~EpicCupcake signing out.

MAN VS MACHINE!!! / Social Anxiety: Independence

More like an asthmatic girl against a double-decker bus…

One day I was on my way to college and my bus went on diversion. I didn’t think this was a big deal because I knew it was gonna end up in the same place. What I didn’t know was how long the ‘little detour’ was. And I ended up getting to my next bus stop late. I saw the bus was coming in two minutes and thought ‘I can make that!’ …I couldn’t. The bus times had failed me yet again.

It was nearing eight o’clock and I knew if I didn’t catch a bus within five minutes, there would be literally no point. Past eight o’clock the bus stop gets crowded with other colloege students pushing and shoving in a desperate attempt to make it to their 8:30 lesson (That’s right. I said 8:30). I checked the times… The bus was coming in… 12 minutes.

At that point I stomped all the way to my college muttering to myself how I should’ve gotten another bus and how I left so early on to be running to college. It occured to me that the bus might actually pass me if I walked and the thought of that made me more and more determined to get there before the bus. Something about seeing the bus I didn’t wait for, because I thought I get to college earlier if I walked, drive straight past me… No, I wouldn’t stand for that. So I picked up the pace and somehow, without running even once, I made it. I had beat the bus. And while I knew I wouldn’t get an applause or flowers or a trophy, I still felt like I’d achieved the impossible. I felt like a gold medalist.

And it somehow got me through the day without punching a wall or something.

So, how’s it been lost travelers of the internet? I have been absent from WordPress and I’ve explained many times how I wouldn’t be able to post as frequently because of the whole business of sorting out my future career. You know.. A levels, volunteering, work experience… I even started my CV!

But as much as I want to do Pharmacy in uni (that’s what I’m sticking with now. Not Medicine.) this preparation is really depressing me. Seriously, I woke up today I felt like I couldn’t be bothered to do life. I just wanted to sleep all day and forget that I’m getting closer and closer to adulthood everyday. Urgh. I wish I was still a kid and could spend my half term playing Poptropica all day…

I’m getting more and more independant everyday and getting more and more responsibilities, and while I feel proud of myself from migrating away from my old little shy dependant self, I can’t help but miss the days when I depended more on adults. I mean I have five appointments next week. All of which I must take myself to. Then I must also go about looking for a volunteering oppurtunity, by myself, and even talk during my old school’s curriculum evening. I’d have to talk to perhaps up to 150 parents of year 9 students about GCSEs and the thought of that scares the life out of me. It would be okay if I was talking to the students. My social anxiety has died down a little to let me do something like that only feeling a little nervous, but talking to parents?! Just thinking about it makes me almost wet myself. But hey, I’ve promised myself to put myself out there, because I know that exposing myself to uncomfortable social situations is the only way I’ll grow and eventually rid myself of this persistent thing I like to call social awkwardness.

When looking for volunteering opportunities, I first looked for ones that weren’t too scary. Nothing where I’d be placed in an awkward social situation. But now I’ve realised it’s pointless. If you really want to rid social anxiety or shyness, you have to face your fear head on. That’s what I’ve learnt and doing that really helps. I mean, I was able to book an optician’s appointment without saying the word ‘um’ even once! I was even the one who called them. I willingly called them, whereas in the past I’d only call after my mum shouts “Just pick up the phone! They’re not gonna kill you for goodness sake!” And even when I called them, I wasn’t nervous and it wasn’t actually that scary. I don’t care what anyone says, that was a great improvement.

I’ll say this again and again until my exams are over- I won’t be able to post as frequently. If I haven’t posted for a month- don’t worry I’m probably not dead. My exams are in may so after Easter I won’t be posting anything. Unless something really interesting happens and I have a little time to post.

Till next time!

~EpicCupcake signing out.

It’s Always Nice When Heat is Warm

MOCK EXAMS

Haven’t drawn anything in a while…

My creative juices are running dry at the moment. I hope that’ll change soon and you’ll find out why soon enough.

So this random post has been placed in the Dear Diary category- the category I use when I want to give you an update on my latest fails so that’s what this posts about.

First and foremost, I like to say how shocked I am at how well I’m getting on at college. I always thought that I’d never talk to any of my classmates outside of my lessons, but oh how that has changed! Okay, it’s not like I suddenly became a pro at socialising overnight, but I think I’m improving. Before I never really talked in lessons, but now I feel like I’m talking too much in my bio lessons and moderately in my chemistry lessons. As some weird rule, I don’t talk much in maths and haven’t since GCSE but even today I had a conversation with the guy I sit next to which didn’t feel forced or traumatising either. Even though I’m still silent in physics, there is one girl in that class that I talk to a bit so I feel like maybe that’s a sign that I’ll soon feel like I fit in. Right now in my bio class, I really do feel like I fit in and that’s a first for me. I like how I can comfortably talk to others in my class and even talk across the room which I never used to do and that’s awesome! For me, at least.

I’m not even sure how it happened, but I feel like some switch has just been flicked and my social energy saver light bulb is slowly glowing brighter and brighter. I’m beginning to wonder why I was struggling so much. Though, like I said, I’m still not there yet and I’m still shy and a little awkward but I feel like I’m opening up to people and I’m actually enjoying college a lot more than high school!

My typical week involves me hanging out a lot with Tori and we’d meet up with other friends. It would involve me going to help out in the local primary school and learning how to be less awkward around kids. It would involve me and Tori running the student-run chemistry revision sessions. It would involve me strengthening my bond with Phoenix, texting and talking whenever we can etc. Oh, and lessons, of course. I don’t feel stressed, I’m hardly ever alone and I don’t need to worry about being alone and I’m happy and I’m comfortable. The people around me are nice and friendly and it’s not that hard to talk to them. Yep… life is good… apart from mocks which are NEXT WEEK!!!

DUN

DUN

DUUUUUUUUUN!!!

Oh well…

Let me tell you a bit about the chemistry revision sessions and the primary school volunteering.

The revision sessions started quite late, due to the word about it coming out late and can blame that on Tori’s chemistry teacher. When we finally had our first session, only about four people came which was both fortunate and unfortunate. Fortunate because I’m shy and don’t fair well in large crowds. Unfortunate because… well, it looked a little sad. We had prepared a powerpoint ages ago but ended up discarding it once we realised that students wanted exam practice and help with questions. So the first week was a fail. The second week however, which just so happens to be this week, we had a few more people, though still a small amount, and I had prepared high level questions to get them really thinking so that they’d ace the mocks and that actually went well! I also feel like the explaining and giving tips will help build my confidence and maybe help me learn to be more social.

Another thing that I think is helping me is the volunteering. I’m coming to really like my class and their teacher. The kids are cute, enthusiastic funny and polite and they even call me ‘miss’! Though some call me by my name which I appreciated cause I’m not used to being called miss so if they call me, I won’t even realise. One thing I want to be able to do is be more firm and tell the kids to quiet down if the teacher wants silence, or tell them to grab a book when it’s time to read. I don’t feel like doing that cause I’m not in authority, but it’ll help the teacher as well as help me to become more assertive. But I don’t wanna tell off childreeeeeeen! Teeny, tiny childreeeeeeeeen!

In other news, I’m in a really good, really weird mood. A bug called Christmas has been going round and infecting people, giving people that warm, soft, gentle, Christmasy feeling. I caught it. And now I’m demanding my mum to find the Christmas songs she and my dad used to play on the CD player. I want to be reminded of  those past magical Christmas and somehow recreate at least half of it. But that’s not the point of this post. The  point is that London is going to look all romantic and Chrsitmasy and Phoenix wants us to go to the city and this has sort of driven me crazy. The previous night, I was filled with such fluffy mashmallow soft feels as I daydreamed (nightdreamed? … dreamed???) about a romantic evening-looking afternoon as we gaze upon the river and the twinkling lights. I would hand Phoenix her present, which would be a story specially written for her, and chocolate, cause she practically lives on that stuff. Then I’d tell her that I like her, and tell her that I know I already told her (texted her) but this time I wanted to say it to her face. And then I’d tell her not to feel bad that she doesn’t feel the same way because I don’t care whether we date or not, just that I want to be near her, for her and as close to her as I am now, maybe even closer. Then I’d get flustered and trip on a rock.

I don’t know why I feel so loveydovey today. Maybe it’s because I’m sleep-deprived (didn’t sleep for three days straight) because in my physics lesson, I almost burst into hysterics. It was a cold day and there was some sort of warm air coming from a vent or something and one guy goes,

‘Oh, warm heat!’

And then the guy who sit’s next to me started laughing and I wondered why but then I always thought he was a bit strange… Then he says,

‘Yeah, it’s always nice when heat is warm.’

And then it came. I had to press my hand firmly over my mouth to reign back those wild giggles that were about to spill and explode everywhere.. Which made me look really weird cause I was making small noises every time a laugh threatened to escape. Even now I find it funny, though it isn’t really, but back then, oh my goodness, I found it priceless… Pure gold…

Yeah… I’m actually really tired… and hungry, so I’ll end on this note. I was gonna write about more. Hopefully I’ll be able to write about the really cute guy in my maths class and about Grace. I was gonna at that to this blog but I’m practically nodding off.

I hope you have a nice day.

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Social Anxiety: The Battle Continues

This is really cute :3

As you may or may not know, I am currently suffering from social anxiety or something similar to that I don’t know it’s not like I was diagnosed or anything…

Aaaaanyway, Since I started this blog, I think I have definitely made some progress though I’m still a long way off.

I hate the fact that I’m quiet and can’t think of anything to say. Literally the only things that come out of my mouth are puns… I ccan be so boring sometimes…

I’m still attempting to make good friendships in college. I was hoping to get close to the guy who sat next to me in chemistry but then the seating plan changed 😦 but the girl I’m sitting next to is really friendly and I get along with her, but the only thing is that she doesn’t watch anime… Oh well…

It’s getting harder and harder to speak in lessons. Every is getting so familiar to everyone else and yet I hardly know anyone’s name. My physics class is so chummy even though they met only just in September. Somehow I feel like an outcast, sitting there quietly while everyone else screeches like monkeys… Well you get what I mean…

I’m always jealous at how my other friends talk to people in their classes outside of class, while I only talk to one person. Well, one person is better than none so I shouldn’t complain.

I have no idea how to crank up the socialising… setting (?) but I think now I should just focus on my studies cause I’ve been ill for three days and all hell is going to break loose pretty soon when I find out what I must catch up on…

Arrggh! Education!

But ti’s not all bad- the social anxiety I mean. I’m not sure if I mentioned this earlier (actually I probably didn’t) but I now help out in the local primary school (local as in, to my college, not my home) and the Peanut of before would have screamed and hid in the corner. And let me tell you, when I found out I was to help out in a class by myself (not with anyone from my college) I did feel like screaming and hiding. Every pair of eyes were on me as I stepped inside and I felt so self-conscious. I mean, as well as not being good with kids, I hadn’t the first idea how I was supposed to help out.

But eventually I was like ‘Damn girl, breathe!’ and I calmed down and I helped out the kids and even talked to them. Now I’m already familiar with a few, I’m less nervous and… I found out that working with kids is kind of fun, which was a nice surprise because I signed myself up for this by accident (don’t even ask…)  I don’t know why I got so shy in the first place. Of course, I’m still shy now, just a lot lot lot less. Even when I broke into a coughing fit (asthma) I didn’t feel hot with embarrassment.

There are still odd moments like when I got lost and ended up making a fool of myself in front of the teacher next door yet again. My friend was helping out in that class and told me that the teacher asked if I was okay or something. I will never enter that class again. Ever.

Now it’s time for a new challenge. I didn’t actually think of this- my friend Tori did. We decided to set up a Chemistry society and I still don’t know what she plans to do in it, but it’s along the lines of a revision thing plus some chemistry outside our syllabus (yay!). The two of us have to present it on our own, without any teachers, in front of a whole bunch of students. This’ll be nerve-wrecking but as long as Tori’s there and as long as I don’t pee myself, I’ll be fine. I’ve got this. Yep…

And so the battle continues…

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Update: Things are looking good!

超可愛い!

 

They sure are! I started school on Monday and I’ve actually been trying my best to live up to the promises I made for the new year. Like I said, I’m sick of being upset, socially awkward and shy and I want to just be happy and live my life the way I want. For Christmas, I got three notebooks from my sister, A4, A5 and A6 and with my now large collection of beautiful colourful notebooks, I’ve decided to use the A6 one (which I named the ‘Ferris’ because I’m weird enough to name notebooks…) to track my progress and to keep a little diary-like thingy. It doesn’t feel like a diary, because I don’t really go into that much detail about my emotions and stuff, only when necessary.

At the end of every day, I sit on my bed and get out the Ferris and write an entry called ‘Evaluation of Day’. I’ve given all my problems a number. 1=social anxiety, 2=health, 3=studying and 4=emotions and regrets. I write the numbers down and record all the important stuff I did today and give them points. I can tell you now, according to the Ferris, I’m doing quite well in the social anxiety section and the health section, because I’m setting new challenges for myself and I’m doing regular exercise (rather than none at all) and eating my five-a-day (I even ate a bloody fruit pot today! I normally hate fruit that aren’t apples or oranges, but I have to admit, it was kind of nice). On the other hand, on the studying section, I’m not doing so well. 6 points so far, from new years to now. Not very good, but I’m very lazy.

There’s also been another downside. I’ve been exercising as if I was back in primary school (I was very active back then), but my body isn’t used to exercise so now I’m half walking, half limping around everywhere. So, until next week, I’m only doing sit ups and maybe star jumps, if it doesn’t kill me…

But even with the limping, I think I’m heading towards a success. I was really worried about going back to school. I was worrying about ‘School Fever’ but I’ve been doing fine. My mood has been very stable over these last couple of days. Although I still find it a bit hard to look at Grace, things are close to being back to normal. It’s not so awkward between us anymore and I can tolerate sitting next to her in English. In fact, we still talk and laugh and have the whole class yell shut up at us every lesson, though I don’t feel any closer to her. It feels like the distance between us has increased a little. Although sometimes I do long for the days we were friends, it doesn’t actually bother me that much. I can sit on my own in the computer room with her and the other cackling away at each other and not feel any discomfort. I’m slowly getting over her. I don’t talk to her that much, and I don’t try to, though now I feel she talks to me more than I talk to her, she even complemented my hair even though it wasn’t anything special, and it makes me wonder… but I’m not going to over think this.

As for friends, I still feel a bit like a lone wolf, but Cinnamon is a great friend who’s always by my side and I don’t want to take advantage of that. Cinnamon is a little weird though, I’ve noticed. She seems to like it when people die in books… At the moment, she’s re-reading ‘Bec’, part of Darren Shan’s Demonata Saga. She told me she loved reading it because all the characters die, even the main character (a little confusing considering it was the fourth book out of ten books…) But she’s a nice and interesting person and I’m grateful to have her as my friend. Also, I very much appreciate weird people!

So… yeah, just a little update… I’ll end on this final note: I’m still working on my Challenge- I’m mixing it up with my evaluation thing and so far I’ve got about 23 points! But I’ve only really done basic stuff so from now on I’m going to challenge myself a little bit more. I have a mental list of the stuff I want to tick off such as calling people by their name which I am just unable to do. I always feel to shy to use someone’s name. I only want to do some sort of eye contact challenge, but I’ll save that for when I feel more confident. When I write my evaluation, I make a little list. Today, I managed to listen to music on the bus, something that absolutely scares me. I don’t know why, I guess I’m just worried that somehow other people can hear my music and make fun of me. But I was listening to Green Day anyway and no one can say anything bad about Green Day… I’m more worried about the songs I have that are in another language. Today I started listening to this Indonesian rock group called J-rock. Really confusing. I was expecting them to be Japanese, so I was a little confused when I didn’t hear any Japanese.

Okay! That’s enough for today! Thank you for spending a little time reading this post! 🙂

~EpicCupcake signing out.