Reblog: Pain Is Not Your Enemy

I read this post and thought that I’d share it 🙂

Pain Is Not Your Enemy.

By thesocialanxietist

Advertisements

Social Anxiety: Fed up

Forget revision- I’m sick of it…

After having a good cry in my room, I decided that this would be the perfect time to write a post…

So…

Yeah…

This is a little awkward…

Well, basically I’m just fed up, as the title states, because of my inability to socialise. This feeling arose as I was hanging out with my long time primary school friends. (which is quite ironic in a way…) We went to this place near central London to ice skate. It was fun. I mean, sure, I fell over a number of times, but at the end, I felt like all the professional (except from the fact that they were all doing all these fancy tricks and stuff)

But really it was after the ice skating, when we sat down and relaxed in the park, when I started to feel fed up with myself. My friends started talking about parties and boys and exciting experiences they had. They talked about their other friends and their friendship groups. They starting to talk about movies, music and tv shows, and being the lame person that I am, I couldn’t contribute anything to the conversations except useless crap and in the time that I was silent, I began to think about myself and- brace yourself, this will be lame- how I don’t really fit into any friendship group, have I’ve never been to parties, how I’ve never talked to boy, how I clam up when I’m near one, how I’ve never flirted with a boy, how I don’t leave my house often, how lame I am, how non-epic my social life is, how I can’t even make eye contact, how invisible I am, how not interesting I am, and how this list can go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon…

So this is the conclusion of the thoughts:

I. AM. LAME.

There’s no doubt about it. Don’t try and tell me otherwise like my friends did. You will be wasting your time.

I want to be different, so I thought about some of the things I want to achieve:

  1. Make more friends.
  2. Try not to look scary.
  3. Befriend boys.
  4. Join a club/group and meet new people.
  5. Get a boyfriend.
  6. Try not to depend on Grace.
  7. Get out of my house more often.
  8. Stop being such an otaku.
  9. Be a person that people listen to and like to be around.

But of course there are a few problems:

  1. Make more friends.  I have a limited number of friends so it will be hard to make friends with my friends’ friends. Also, I’m shy and socially awkward and scared of meeting new people.
  2. Try not to look scary. I have a scary and pissed off default expression
  3. Befriend boys. Boys make me nervous.
  4. Join a club/group and meet new people.
  5. Get a boyfriend. Boys make me nervous. Also, I am an unpleasant person. Also, I have no guy friends.
  6. Try not to depend on Grace. She’s the only close friend I have at school.
  7. Get out of my house more often. Why? People are scary. Plus, I’m lazy. Plus, I’m an otaku so it fits my nature.
  8. Stop being such an otaku. I love manga, anime, J-Dramas, Doujinshi, Yaoi etc.
  9. Be a person that people listen to and like to be around. I’m socially awkward, I don’t talk, I’m quite unpleasant, I’m boring, some people may believe I have anger management problems, I find people scary and I’m invisible, so that might just be impossible.

See the problem(s) I have?

A lot of the time, I believe I have some form of social anxiety, though I’ve never been diagnosed with it, nor do I believe what ever this is affects my life that much. Still, I don’t believe it’s not a bit problem. My inability to socialise haunts my thoughts daily and sometimes gets me into these depressive states which I just had earlier. And, I know this may be sad, but I have looked up how to overcome social awkwardness/anxiety/phobia and this question almost always appears.

Identify the reason of your fear

And I’m llike:

There’s a reason?

You see, I’ve never thought about a reason. Some reasons are like, ‘you are scared of saying/doing something embarrassing.’ and yeah, I am afraid of that, but is that really the reason I can’t talk to new people or any people at all or even make eye contact? I don’t know. I don’t know why! Is it just like my arachnophobia? A fear with no reason. Or maybe I just fear socialising itself? But that’s not it. I can socialise with my friends.

Or maybe I’m scared about not being accepted.

Maybe I’m scared about being left alone.

Maybe I’m scared about being invisible.

Maybe it’s because I strongly believe that people don’t like me and that’s why I don’t talk to them.

Or maybe it’s because I’m scared of being noticed and then picked on. I’m scared about revealing much about myself and being who I truly want to be due to a childhood trauma.

Maybe it’s all those things…

That’s a lot of ‘maybe’s.

I don’t know what it is, but once I find out what it is, I’ll be sure to do something about it, but for now, I’ll try:

  1. To smile more.
  2. To be nicer.
  3. To do more exercise (i won’t do this)
  4. To go for walks.
  5. To go out more with my primary school friends and other friends.
  6. To not look at the ground so much.
  7. To say hi to people more.
  8. To appear friendly.

Baby steps, my friend, baby steps…

I have to end this post; my brother is trying to eat me. No joke.

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Agony Cupcake: “Never Say Never”: An Important Life Lesson

I’m guessing the title has already revealed the topic of this post to you. Yes- I’m going to be talking about Justin Bieber.

Now before I begin, I’d just like to say (or type) that this post isn’t going to be about how annoying Justin is or about how much I love him because to be honest, I don’t hate him nor do I have undying feeling towards him.

No, this post is about how he is actually a good role model in the sense of his achievement. I was watching this documentary thingy about social media a while ago and it mentioned Justin Bieber and how he managed to get mega rich and famous all thanks to YouTube. That made me think a little. I imagined young Justin back then uploading loads of videos of himself singing and slowly gaining popularity due to his talent and determination and eventually met his manager and was signed- all in a space of 7 months(ish).

My point is that… well I have two points:

1. Determination can take you a long way and you should never lose hope in yourself and you should always strive for the best. Maybe Justin Bieber wouldn’t have gotten famous if he had given up or had said ‘that’s enough.’ after achieving second place in that competition.

2. Believe in yourself, “never say never” and take chances. Maybe Justin Bieber wouldn’t have gotten famous if he didn’t believe that he had the potential to enter that competition and didn’t take that chance.

I know I’m not one to talk, though. I almost never take chances and I always find myself thinking, I’m not good enough or that my writing is not good enough. Still, I must keep on writing and maybe one day I’ll have a best seller 🙂

Wishful thinking? Maybe.

Oh, and another thing (just because I love to rant):

Haters: I don’t get why you hate Justin Bieber. I mean sure, I’m not a fan of his music, but that doesn’t mean I hate him. Hate is strong word. You shouldn’t hate someone unless they intentionally caused you bodily harm or they steal your pie 😉 . Please, no more scary pictures with guns and blood. I’m begging you, don’t hate- Love (or be neutral; neutral’s nice…)

Crazy Obsessed Beliebers: Please do not jump on stage and leap on Justin Bieber. The stage is there for a reason… And so are the security guards… *evil grin*

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Social Anxiety: Negative thinking and Depression

So far I haven’t written anything about personality disorders… oh well…

Negative thinking- one of the many evils in the world (right next to procrastination)

Negative thinking is often a result of depression or anxiety (or both) and it can cause some serious problems.

Here’s an example:

In a certain class at school, I came in and sat in my seat. As soon as I sat down the girl sitting next to me asked the teacher if she could move to the other side of the room. All of a sudden I hated that girl and everything about her and only wished for her to trip on her way to her new seat. Them I start to remember all the bad things that had ever happened to and I blame the world:

“I hate everyone!”

“Nobody cares about me!”

It’s not my fault! It’s everyone’s fault for not accepting me!”

And then, all of a sudden, a switch flicks inside me and suddenly I’m blaming myself for everything coming up with stupid reasons:

“It’s all my fault!”

“I’m a horrible person; that’s why no one likes me.”

“Why am I like this?”

And these thoughts fuel my depression even more and I have more negative thoughts. It’s a vicious circle…

I’m pretty sure depression and negative thinking can have physical effects on you and I’m pretty sure they were the cause of my mysterious migraines and the haunting feeling that I was going to throw up. I always had feelings of helplessness, emptiness and sometimes I’d wake up in the morning perfectly fine, but by the time I got to school, I would find it hard to talk so I’d avoid people and then that familiar lonely feeling would haunt me yet again… Another thing would getting tearful over small stuff for example when I left the house for a moment and returned to find my laptop off. I cried so much about that while I was thinking ‘why the heck am I crying?’ at the same time. Everything made me either upset or angry. Seeing someone on the bus was enough to make me agitated angry and upset. And yet another thing: during my recent long depressive state, I formed a bad habit of reading (yaoi) manga  or watch (yaoi) OVAs every night until midnight, before I could fall asleep. I would always feel really tired and almost fall asleep in class because of it, but I couldn’t help it because if I didn’t, negative thoughts would take over my mind and I wouldn’t be able to sleep. (and though I hate to admit it, it was so addictive…)

But although my depressive states only made my life look like joke, depression can have much more serious effects such as self-harm and suicidal behaviour. It can make you feel so insignificant or so depressed that life isn’t worth living. I’ve never really felt the need to self-harm or even think about suicide (thank God), so I can’t say much about it but if you think you’re suicidal (or someone else) you should probably tell someone and check out this website. Sorry I can’t be of much help…

But you get my point- negative thinking=very bad. I’ve been doing a little research and have found ways to fight against the compulsive thoughts:

  1. De-stress. I always get upset when I’m stressed.
  2. Make a list of five things that are good about yourself (it can be in your head if you’re lazy like me)
  3. Arrange a day out with a friend. (I tend to generate negative thoughts when I’m alone)
  4. Sing. (I got this one from the internet. But it’s true- singing does make you feel better)
  5. Watch some random YouTube video or an E4 show (How I met your mother always makes me laugh)
  6. Tease your baby brother/sister (if you have one, that is.)  but don’t  do this:
  7. Avoid triggers of negative thoughts.
  8. Write down the things going around in your head. Again, I got this one from the internet. It’ll help you clear your head and help you see your negative thoughts for what they are which makes it easier to move on from them.

Can’t think of anything else…

Oh, yes, I’ll finish this post on this note: If you know someone with social anxiety or depression etc., make sure they know that you are there  for them and reassure them that they are wonderful (’cause they are!). Talk to them; let them know they are special, unique, important and- most importantly- let them know they are loved and that you’ll be seriously pissed off it they hurt him/herself in any way.

I’m gonna stop blabbing now… but one last thing!

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Agony Cupcake: Trying to fit in

I’m just gonna blab here…

In high school, you are with the  same people for five whole bloody years (I’m talking about the England, guys) and that means you want to have a good reputation so that people like you and won’t ignore you or bully you. Naturally, most teens are tempted by the delicious satisfaction of being accepted to they go to great lengths to make this happen. This means they:

  • Try to buy hip designer clothes
  • Listen to the latest songs
  • Start b*tchin about others
  • Start smoking/taking drugs (never saw it in my school though…)
  • Other things that I can’t remember

Now I used to try to keep up with the times and become a person that everybody liked. Now, I’m not a very social person and I like to spend most of my time reading manga, but nevertheless, I was pulled in to this bizarre craze because I didn’t start high school in a good way. I began to change myself and I didn’t even realise it.

Back in primary school I was a very sensitive person (still am) and I probably angry a lot. If someone made me angry, I told them and I wasn’t afraid to express my feelings . I was pretty straight forward, though I was a little shy. Of course, this meant that not many people liked me. In high school, I did care about my classmates but not really that much, but all of a sudden, their acceptance was all I longed for- to be one of them; to fit in.

I stopped expressing my feelings so much and held them in. I tried my best to only reveal others the good side of myself and to hide my true self in the shadows cast by my false new image. People accepted me, or so I thought.

I was living a delusion. I though I was accepted, one of them, but after a few years I realised I was wrong. I have a good friend, Grace- Grace Grassland- and we’re besties. We’d spend pretty much every moment of the day together, but whenever she was absent (which was rare because she had excellent attendance), I realised that I wasn’t ‘friends’ with everybody as I thought. I became to become the quiet, shy girlonce again.

At the same time, I realised that people were ignoring me, forgetting me as if I didn’t exist. And if that wasn’t enough, I found out that people had been bitching about me behind my back and saying that I’m cold, rude and that I always look pissed off but seriously, that’s just how my face is.

Normal FaceThis is how I look all the time.

Then things went wrong. I lost it and got angry at everything and shouted at everything and cried at everything and laughed at everything and I had no idea why. I threw things across the room and started ripping paper for no reason. I started saying things like:

Nobody loves me.

I’ll always be alone.

What’s wrong with me?

I was never happy.

Who am I?

I knew I wasn’t the person who was always cheerful- who always loved being with others etc. etc. Due to my fudged-up memory, I have no idea who ‘I’ am.

Maybe I’m just looking to far into things. Maybe that’s why I’m thinking in this strange way. Maybe…

Sorry for blabbing. But seriously, take my advice- always be yourself. Don’t try to ‘fit in’. What is ‘in’ anyway. It doesn’t mean everyone likes you. It probably means people are still b*tching about you, but instead of saying to your face, they say it behind your back.

I’ve had enough of ‘fitting in’. I’ve had enough of pretending that everyone likes me. I’ve had enough of trying to make others like me. They won’t like you unless they truely want to.

I want to be myself and you should too because that’s what makes you made you. That makes you real.

I’m sorry if this post seems all over the place. I guess that’s just how I feel inside.

Enough sadness, more epicness

Read book (yaoi)Let’s read some YAOI!

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Agony Cupcake: 5 Ways To Deal With Stress

I know sometimes life gets hard and you have to find ways to release your stress. Well, now you don’t have to bang your head on the wall worry anymore because I’ve got 19 (oops, I meant 5) sure fire ways to bin that stress for good (maybe…)

1. Go for a walk

If your brain is boiling, let off some steam and take a walk! Get off your computer and get some fresh air! (once you’re finished on my blog, that is…)

Walk in the park

2. Read a book

Nothing’s more relaxing than reading a good book… a VERY good book (you know what I’m talkin’ about 😉 )

Read book (yaoi)

3. Take a nap

Take a nap

I see those bags under your eyes…

4. Just listen to some music

Listen to music

Not stuff like rock… something to calm you… I’m a fan of jazz.

5. Draw something

Damn you miss kitty

It can be a scribble. Just remember not to show your art teacher…

Have fun de-stressing. 🙂

~EpicCupcake signing out.