Back From The Dead

Okay, so three days after I made the last post, I was on my computer, still a little morose, when all of a sudden it started shutting down. It didn’t mean anything to me because that sort of thing happens sometimes. Especially if I haven’t shutdown in a long time. After it finished installing the updates and shutting down, I turned it on but instead of loading windows, all I got was this:

When my laptop died

That’s right, I got the

BLACK SCREEN OF DEEEEEAAAATTTHHHSDFVDCVDV!!!

And at that point, my heart went from being broken to being shattered.

But now it’s back from the dead again after getting it wiped clean of the virus that took over. I still had some of my stuff but some programs were deleted and my settings depersonalised so I spend some time setting the background to anime pictures, my screen saver to anime pictures, installing Office, installing antivirus etc.. At around six my computer wanted to install some updates. I was a little scared but figured it was going to do it at some point so I went ahead and shut it down.

And guess what it said

Installing 1 of 196 updates.

I had to leave it overnight but I stupidly closed my laptop so when I went to bed so it made no progress…

But at least it was working and I got some programs back 🙂 And no more malfunctioning!! 😀

I’ve been pretty busy since then since my exams are just around the corner but now I’m taking a two hour break so I am able to make a post.

 

Anyway, not much has happened since the last post except for one big thing.

It was a spur of the moment thing and pretty painful but I did it nonetheless.

When my mum came home, she heard me talking to my friend Cloud. I was telling Cloud what happened cause I knew I had to talk to someone about it before I continued my half-sobbing-half-singing. When I came down to greet my mum (cause my parents hate it when you don’t) she saw my face and demanded to know what happened. So I told her that the person I liked had a girlfriend and she went on to say how I shouldn’t get involved with boys, how they only want one thing yada yada yada. You know- the usual. I tried telling her it was different but she said all boys were like that. She asked if I was going out with ‘him’ and I said no and she was like, ‘Then why are you crying? It’s not like he broke up with you.’

As the conversation dragged out, I felt that I should just tell her the truth. I can’t remember my reason for doing so, but I hate keeping secrets so I told her that the person I liked went to my high school to indicate that it was, indeed, a girl (Went to an all girl’s high school). My mum then thought that I meant that a friend from my high school introduced me to the guy I liked. I kept giving her more clues, making it more obvious each time but my mum either just didn’t understand or wouldn’t believe what she was hearing. Then I tried a different approach.

I told her that my friend Phoenix got a girl friend. Her exact words were: “That’s terrible!” Exact words… That made it even harder to get the next words out. While she was thinking I was upset that Phoenix was bi, I finally told her that I liked Phoenix and the shock on my mum’s face made me want to run away. And I did run away upstairs and after a while I came back and we continued our conversation.

My mum said the things I expected her to:

 

“So you’re a lesbian.”

“Do you think that’s what God wants?”

“So you’re sexually attracted to women?”

“Do you know how women have sex?”

“Does that mean when you’re married to a man, you will be dating a woman at the same time?” (She asked that when I said I was bi (???))

“I just can’t believe it…”

 

I was standing some distance away from her, my face burning the way it was about a year when I told Ann. I did laugh at some point when she said stupid stereotypes and when she talked about sex I was like: “Whoa, please don’t go into that subject, mum…”

But the weird thing was that after we finished the conversation, feeling a little embarrassed and vulnerable, I brought up another subject, something I had to ask her (I won’t go through the details) and we started talking about that and we were talking like normal. Even after that day, we were talking like normal- her complaining at me and me trying not to lose my temper, or us talking and laughing and making jokes. I did ask her, that same day, if she hates me because I’m bi. She said that it was my decision and she can’t hate me because of it. One time when I was telling her about a friend at college, and how we went to the same high school but we’re becoming closer now, she joked and said, “So now you’ve moved on from Phoenix and have a new lover?” Actually I’m not sure if she was joking because she said “You never know when it comes to you, Peanut.”, but she I knew she was purposely making fun of me as per usual so I guess everything’s good. Also she hasn’t told anyone which I appreciate because normally she opens her mouth at the first opportunity she gets.

Yep… that’s my mum for you.

 

I don’t know if I’ll ever tell my dad, because my dad is the understanding one (most of the time, anyway) and if he gets angry or disappointed, I wouldn’t know what to do. I’d probably regret it. As for my sister… that would be super awkward.

Oh well, I think about it later. For now, it’s time to watch anime. (I know what you’re thinking, but I am NOT obsessed with anime.)

Maybe my next post will feature Phoenix. Maybe not. Oh! And it my feature my new hobby- programming!

 

~EpicCupcake signing out.

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Just My Luck…

Hello.

Sorry, I’m not in a good mood so this post is gonna be a little morose.

So now I know what heartbreak feels like.

It’s not nice.

It’s horrible.

God, it’s making me feel so empty and hollow.

Today I just found out that Phoenix is actually going out with someone. For four months now.

When I initially heard, I was with my friends cause one of my friends was telling me, because she had forgotten that I had a crush on her.

I kept my cool. I didn’t burst into tears. My friends were all like ‘Are you alright?’ and I was like ‘Oh well, I knew she didn’t like me in the first place so there’s no need to be miserable about it.’. And that really surprised me because soon after, I walked off to my maths lesson and kept my head on the table the whole time while I cried silently.

This went on for the rest of the day. Me being miserable. In my bio lesson I tried to cheer up a bit, and I did, but literally after that I really couldn’t hold it in for much longer.

I pasted Phoneix on the way out of college. She said hi. I had to say hi back despite the fact I dashed out of my lesson to avoid seeing her (you know, so I wouldn’t burst into tears right there on the spot). It was even worse when I played my music like I normally do to and from college and it started playing ‘Happy Together’. A song that would remind me of her. That really didn’t help things.

I managed to hold most of it in till I got home and it literally just all burst out and I was crying and crying and my music was playing and then I was crying and singing and wailing and feeling bad for the neighbours and… gosh…

I guess it’s my fault for falling so deeply for her. I was practically in love with her. I really was. And even though I’m trying to resolve to move on, I know part of me wont let me. No, not part of me- all of me. I know it’s unhealthy to have these lingering feelings but I just can’t help it! It’s her fault for being so perfect and awesome and beautiful. :/

Aaaaaaaaahhhh moooouuuuu… I don’t feel like crying anymore. I have to watch some anime or something…

Happy Friday the 13, everyone… This is just my luck.

~EpicCupcake, signing out.