Social Anxiety: The Battle Continues

This is really cute :3

As you may or may not know, I am currently suffering from social anxiety or something similar to that I don’t know it’s not like I was diagnosed or anything…

Aaaaanyway, Since I started this blog, I think I have definitely made some progress though I’m still a long way off.

I hate the fact that I’m quiet and can’t think of anything to say. Literally the only things that come out of my mouth are puns… I ccan be so boring sometimes…

I’m still attempting to make good friendships in college. I was hoping to get close to the guy who sat next to me in chemistry but then the seating plan changed 😦 but the girl I’m sitting next to is really friendly and I get along with her, but the only thing is that she doesn’t watch anime… Oh well…

It’s getting harder and harder to speak in lessons. Every is getting so familiar to everyone else and yet I hardly know anyone’s name. My physics class is so chummy even though they met only just in September. Somehow I feel like an outcast, sitting there quietly while everyone else screeches like monkeys… Well you get what I mean…

I’m always jealous at how my other friends talk to people in their classes outside of class, while I only talk to one person. Well, one person is better than none so I shouldn’t complain.

I have no idea how to crank up the socialising… setting (?) but I think now I should just focus on my studies cause I’ve been ill for three days and all hell is going to break loose pretty soon when I find out what I must catch up on…

Arrggh! Education!

But ti’s not all bad- the social anxiety I mean. I’m not sure if I mentioned this earlier (actually I probably didn’t) but I now help out in the local primary school (local as in, to my college, not my home) and the Peanut of before would have screamed and hid in the corner. And let me tell you, when I found out I was to help out in a class by myself (not with anyone from my college) I did feel like screaming and hiding. Every pair of eyes were on me as I stepped inside and I felt so self-conscious. I mean, as well as not being good with kids, I hadn’t the first idea how I was supposed to help out.

But eventually I was like ‘Damn girl, breathe!’ and I calmed down and I helped out the kids and even talked to them. Now I’m already familiar with a few, I’m less nervous and… I found out that working with kids is kind of fun, which was a nice surprise because I signed myself up for this by accident (don’t even ask…)  I don’t know why I got so shy in the first place. Of course, I’m still shy now, just a lot lot lot less. Even when I broke into a coughing fit (asthma) I didn’t feel hot with embarrassment.

There are still odd moments like when I got lost and ended up making a fool of myself in front of the teacher next door yet again. My friend was helping out in that class and told me that the teacher asked if I was okay or something. I will never enter that class again. Ever.

Now it’s time for a new challenge. I didn’t actually think of this- my friend Tori did. We decided to set up a Chemistry society and I still don’t know what she plans to do in it, but it’s along the lines of a revision thing plus some chemistry outside our syllabus (yay!). The two of us have to present it on our own, without any teachers, in front of a whole bunch of students. This’ll be nerve-wrecking but as long as Tori’s there and as long as I don’t pee myself, I’ll be fine. I’ve got this. Yep…

And so the battle continues…

~EpicCupcake signing out.

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