Something weird is going on. You remember Grace, right? The ex-best friend that I used to call Backstabber? The one who announced that she didn’t want to be friends with me?
Yes, that Grace.
After ignoring me for so long, I gave up trying to be at least her acquaintance if not her friend. Now-a-days I don’t really want anything to do with her. I’ve been doing well. There’s no longer that lingering sorrow that follows me around, reminding me that we weren’t friends. I pretty much ignore her now. I’m not saying that if she tried to talk to me I’d pretend she didn’t exist, or run away from her. I’m just saying that I’m keeping my distance. I don’t talk to her that much. I treat her like I’d treat any other person I didn’t know that well, because, at the moment, I don’t know her very well. I don’t know her at all.
I thought she would love that, me ignoring her and not talking to her, after all, she did the same to me for a couple of months now. She’s got her perfect friends that all talk about boys and look up to her with shimmering eyes- or at least that’s what she thinks they do..
But I can’t help but notice the times when she’s on her own. It’s not like I constantly think, ‘Oh my gosh, she’s alone. She’s probably sad. I should go and help her.’ I’m keeping my distance, like she wanted. But still! I feel I hang out more with Mandy than she does. All the time I see her on her own except for one or two lessons. She always tries to but into conversations so that she doesn’t look like that but I think it’s obvious and I’m beginning to think others do to. They don’t mention it to her, though.
So yes, back to the weird thing (or rather, things), one lunchtime I was by myself. I wanted to get on with some revision (you know, with all the fear of exams and stuff) and when I came to my form room, she was sitting in the seat opposite mine. You may think, ‘well, she can sit anywhere, right?’, but the thing is that she used to sit on that table, but when she started avoiding me, she sat right on the other side of the room. Why would she suddenly decide to sit there, after she left the seat empty for months.
You can imagine how I felt when I reached my seat. One thought crossed my mind:
‘Should I go to the library or…’ In the end I sat in my seat. I wouldn’t move just because Grace sat there. It was my table, it is my table, so I had the right to sit there. As I expected, she didn’t talk to me, but when others came to sit at the table, she kept doing that annoying thing where she’d butt into their conversations little by little. We both happened to be revising R.E. and when my friend was asking me about my revision techniques, it was only natural that Grace butt in boasting about how she just looks at her book and remembers it and about how she didn’t revise for her mocks and got an A* in R.E. I’d like to see her do the same for the real ones and see what she’d get. Seriously. Not even out of hatred.
Grace continued joining in with their conversation until she finally took control of it. Then she offered us all a stereotypical speech about ‘black’ and ‘white’ behaviour and about some black girls acting ‘white’ and some white girls acting ‘black’. Even when people told her that it was stereotypical and even a bit racist, she still went on. I ignored her and her. I’ve had to deal with her stupid speeches in the past and no matter how many times I’ve told her that they were stereotypical, racist or hypocritical or just plain stupid, she didn’t change. I’m pretty much immune to her speeches, but not immune to her voice and I always find her annoying voice hard to block out and with her and the rest of the table speaking and the fact that she used the word racial instead of racist and that just… Yes, I know, what a weird thing to fixate about. As I was sitting there thinking to myself: ‘I missed the days when I could just sit here in peace.’ I did an R.E. test that afternoon. I wonder how well I did. Or badly.
After that, I became conscious of Grace’s actions. If I came by the lockers and she was there, I’d feel her eyes burning into my side. I can see her through the corner of my eyes, though I don’t let her know that. It’s really creepy and I don’t really know what to do in those situations. I sometimes get the urge to laugh or something so I usually get on with whatever in my locker and just go back to my seat. At least, she hasn’t sat in front of me since then. Maybe I’m being paranoid, but I’m think there’s something going on. One English lesson, she asked me a question. I shook my head, my way of saying no without using up my energy. But then she kept pestering me and pestering me asking my why I wasn’t talking to her. I got annoyed and shouted no and that I had no idea. But then. awkwardly enough, I found out the answer two seconds later.
Am I being paranoid? I feel like I’m being paranoid, but the staring is kind of creepy. Go back a couple of months and she wouldn’t have even sad on the same table as me. Or say a word to me. Or look at me. At all. In my opinion, there are four possibilities as to why Grace is acting like this:
- She still wants to be friends with me, but she’s too proud to admit it so she’s trying to send me indirect messages.
- She doesn’t like being alone and not having someone at her heels (Not that I was at her heels in the first place) but she’s too proud to admit it.
- She’s angry that I’m not bothering about her and that I’m happy not being her friend, but she wants to feel special (…?)
- She’s crazy
As much as I’d like to think up different reasons and write some bizarre story based on this, I can’t be bothered.
Yeah… Sorry Grace, but no…
~EpicCupcake signing out.