7 Nonviolent Ways To Tell If Your Friend Is A Robot

Daniel is funny

History and Terminators have shown us that the best way to tell if someone is a robot is to stab them and then pull at their innards until computer parts come out. What they don’t show you, however, is all the times this turns out to be a mistake, and you’re left with an “Ooops” and one less friend.

Using a scale that I’ve devised from intense research of not only robotics, but human emotions too, I’ve concocted seven non-violent methods to determine whether or not your friend or family member is a machine. Don’t get me wrong, you can save the violent parts for when the test results come back positive, but at least you’ll never be caught screaming “I swear to God, I thought he was a robot!” while you’re being handcuffed.

1) Tell them that you have the flu. If they remain at your side, they’re either…

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