Turn Around

Hello! It’s been a long time so I thought I should start with hello!

If you’re wondering why I haven’t been procrastinating on WordPress, I’ve actually been doing serious revision.

I mean serious revision. I made a bloody timetable and (get this!) I actually followed it! Seriously, I revise in the mornings before school, during lunch, on the bus, after school in the library, at home, before bed, heck, even in my sleep! I was so nervous I just analysed a poem in my dreams. Too bad I couldn’t remember what I wrote… I’ve been revising like mad and yet I feel like I haven’t done enough. Strange…

Anyway, now I’m chilling on WordPress, laughing while watching my brother slip on the floor, and crying because it hurts when I laugh. I did aerobics for P.E. yesterday and we had to do over 100 sit ups… with our legs off the ground… with weights… Yeah… it wasn’t pretty.

Recently, I think my life has had a turn around. Not a major turn around, but a little one. Suddenly I’m eating stuff for breakfast that I never thought I’d eat in a million years. Cereal, toast, bagels. It feels so weird to pour myself a bowl of cereal when I’ve avoided it for so long. I almost forgot what milk tasted like… without being mixed with tea, of course.

And I’ve also started eating five fruit and veg a day. It’s a major improvement from 1 a day, which I only got from apple juice. Today, I even had one of those fruit pot thingies and GOSH DID I HATE IT, but I want to be healthy. I’ve also been eating a lot of salad. And I think I heard from someone that chocolate or cheese is good for your brain before an exam so I’ve started eating cheese again. (though I’ve been eating it with pizza already…) And I’m even saving a chocolate bar for when my exams start which is NEXT WEEK!

Gosh, I’m so nervous. First thing’s my Spanish oral and I have to come in to school in the morning. Ugh… Well, at least it’s a 10 rather than 9. While the rest of my class was either doing revision or watching YouTube videos in the computer lab, me, Ann and two other girls in my class went to a separate room to practice our speaking. We only managed three paragraphs each but, hey that’s something!

My next exam is Wednesday (Tuesday I get a day off!) and it’s English Lit. Poetry. Oh my goodness. Normally I’m great at essay writing, but for some reason my mind always goes blank. I hope I don’t mess it up. Even though it’s not my real GCSE, my parents are going to see the result  firstly in a big scary envelope (a simulation for results day) and at parent’s evening where people will be shamed. Oh boy…  The worst part is that the language orals are real. Very real, so if I fail those…

Let’s not think about it.

Just wish me luck! Especially for science and maths! (And language orals, of course!)

~EpicCupcake signing out.

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The Other Side of Me

Who is this

I’ve been thinking about something lately, and it just popped into my head a few moments ago when I was sending a story off to Cinnamon (via email) for her to read (but mostly check). Back in primary school, expressing my emotions was never a problem for me. If you made me mad, you’d know it straight away. Back then, emails were pretty popular in my school and we’d spend ages online chatting to friends by email (who knows why we never used MSN or something. Thinking back, it kind of seems stupid…) Of course, now with BBM, What’s App etc. emails are almost a thing of the past. I’m pretty sure the people in my year only use their emails for facebook and sending files. If that’s not the case, well then… I guess it’s just me.

I’ve been writing since I was in primary school, but it only became serious when I started high school. I began to realise that I was able to express myself well in my writing, so I wrote a lot since I wasn’t able to express myself in school. Writing always reveals this other side of me. It reveals this girl who seems to have a lot to say. A girl who loves to amuse her readers by casually slipping puns her and there. A girl with a lot of ideas who radiates them confidently.

A girl who seems foreign to me.

I’m sure if I showed someone my writing, someone who doesn’t know me that well (that would be almost all most of the people in my year) they’d be pretty surprised with what they found. That’s why, when I was writing a quick message in that email, I wasn’t sure how to word it.

I quite private, you know. I try and show certain people certain personalities. Right now I’m showing you my ‘default’ personality. My ‘normal’ personality, if that makes sense. I’m being pretty open. But showing different personalities to different people, doesn’t it seem kind of fake? I’d love to have one personality that I’d be free to share with everybody, even if it made people hate me. I just want to be myself. But are those personalities me?

Let me run through some of my ‘alter egos’

First off, there’s default. Default is my most comfortable personality. I write using default so that’s probably why I don’t like other’s reading my work. Default isn’t very girly, she’s very analytical and loves jokes. She’s the personality I express on my blog. She likes to use big complex words to make her sound smart.

Then there’s ‘sarcastic’. She’s very sarcastic, a teeny bit sadistic and gets annoyed easily. I only seemed to show her around Grace when we were friends. I sometimes show her to other people like my sister and family friends that have annoyed me in the past… And a certain person who I will hopefully never mention here. (Don’t even ask because I won’t answer). She has a relatively low pitched voice. Her character makes me laugh.

Next it’s ‘hyper’. Hyper loves to annoy people, talk about anime etc and smile! She’s like Marmite- you either love her or hate her. Her voice has a higher pitch that default.

Then there’s ‘innocent’. She’s quiet and helpful and acts oblivious to some things. She’s shy and respectful and thinks she’s cute. And she tries to act cute… I don’t like her that much.

‘Normal’ is different to default. She’s what most people would expect in a normal human being. I won’t say much about her.

Finally there’s ‘aloof’. She prefers to stay silent and observes her surrounding. I like her because she seems kind of cool… in a way… She has a way of staring at a person so that her eyes penetrate deep into their soul, unlocking hidden secrets-!

Just being a little too poetic here!

I feel like I’ve revealed too much. Gosh, I feel kind of naked! But there it is. That’s how I feel. I used at least all of these personalities in school with the exception of default and now sarcastic. I’m not so close to Grace now so sarcastic doesn’t want to come out. Hahaha! I sound so weird! Why am I even typing ‘Hahaha!’ when I’m not even laughing?! I’m smiling now, but before I had a straight face.

Oh, gosh, I’m so messed up!

~EpicCupcake signingng

~EpicCuc

(Let’s try this again)

~EpicCupcake signing out.

Feeling Like A Boss

You’ve got to admit, this is pretty funny.

Hey! What’s up?

One thing I always wonder is if people notice my spelling and grammar errors. I realised that on my last post, I missed out the word ‘the’ and it was so cringy… I’m just like that.

Just in case you’re wondering, things are going well in the school department. I successfully finished planning my french oral and I suspect my french teacher got a migraine from reading my google-translated work. Yes, I’m guilty for google-translating, but hey, who seriously has the time to pick out words and writing out. I already did that for my spanish so I just popped that into translator and out came my french! And, yes, I am aware that google translator isn’t very good at french grammar or even english grammar for that matter, so I analysed the text, fixed the minor errors and voila! Now I’m focusing on learning my spanish which is actually going well. I learnt two paragraphs yesterday so I have three more to learn by december. Piece of cake.

In other news, my school is having an inspection next week so the science teachers have requested that we prepare the science prefect board by the end of the week. Finally, after lots of planning and putting things off and forgeting things, Phoenix and I, as well as my other fellow prefects, got 2/3 of it done and dusted. My chemistry section fitted well and looked nice, but I wanted to add some more pictures to fill in some of the gaps. Phoenix was in charge of physics and did a nice display on meteors. I originally wanted to do physics and felt a little jealous when the others push chemistry onto me, but I like chemistry and it covers a lot of the topics I particularly like. Plus, I would’ve never thought of meteors or astronomy if I was doing physics and since we don’t learn so much about space, I figured it would be best to leave it to Phoenix. Her display looks awesome. All that’s left now is biology.

You know, now that I hang out with Cinnamon and Phoenix, I forget what hanging out with Grace used to be like. I can’t remember what we talked about. Probably random things that no one else would talk about. I’m not into talking about girl stuff and tried my best to seem enthusiastic when she talked about boys and stuff. She yawned whenever I talked about science. We’re like almost total opposites and I bet some people wonder how we even became friends in the first place. Well, now I think Grace is hanging out with people more like her. But they’re so bloody annoying when they’re together whenever we’re in the computer room for a language lesson. They all sit there watching ‘Vampire Diaries’ or whatever laughing like bloody hyenas. It’s really hard not to turn around a yell “SHUT UP, FOR GOODNESS SAKE AND DO YOUR BLOODY WORK!!!” That wouldn’t even work though. That’d make them laugh more.

But, you know, Grace and I are getting along well and even though we aren’t stuck together like glue, when we are together, it’s almost just like the old times. Now english lessons aren’t so awkward. Perhaps a bit pleasant. But we won’t be friends again. Not now, at least. I don’t need stress during my GCSEs. And speaking of GCSEs…

Today, after school, my school’s STEM club was on and I was already up in science putting up the display so I decided to join Phoenix and another girl from my form, who both help run STEM as science and technology prefects and ex-STEM club members. As a science prefect and an ex-STEM member, I thought I ought to have attended at least once. Normally I was busy on Wednesdays. My timing was great too because our ex-STEM prefect came alone to talk to the year nines about GCSE and A level. I felt really mature sitting alongside my fellow year elevens answering questions alongside our ex-STEM prefect and explaining our experiences with GCSE, colleges and A-levels. It was actually quite fun, though I got home really late. My parents picked me up at some point during my journey so at least I didn’t have to walk home in the rain.

I still can’t believe it practically snowed today…

Glimpse of Christmas, perhaps?

This is supposed to be a short post so I’ll stop here.

~EpicCupcake signing out.

I Don’t Want To Grow Up!

Hello!

I am so sorry that I haven’t actually made a written post like this in a while. It’s the same excuse- homework, revision, procrastination… But to be honest, I sort of lost it yesterday.

Finally part of the full stress of GCSE has hit me and my mock exams are in two weeks, starting with my spanish orals. How lucky am I? Yesterday I blew off work completely, after my calculator starting acting up, and went all out relaxing… until reality came rushing back after my shockwave flash crashed 2nd time in a row while I was playing poptropica. And before you say anything, I am not too old to play poptropica! Just as I’m not too old to watch Spongebob Squarepants (though I haven’t watched it these last few months…). And besides, poptropica has these new sound effects and a new island called Virus Hunter or something so I was basically revising biology.

I was worried when it crashed for the second because I was pretty annoyed, and I knew how pissed off I could get if I lose repeatedly in poptropica, so I decided to close it down, get some books and start my revision again. But, of course, I distracted myself with something I like to call ‘manga surfing’ which doesn’t involve using a manga as a surf board (I just kidding you; you knew that already 😉 ), but actually involves looking up manga and I found this one about cooking and-

Let’s stay on the topic.

So anyways, I was manga surfing and watching TV so it took me even longer to work than it normally does and I was hardly paying attention to my work and just felt like slacking off again.

But then the TV spoke to me.

I was watching Popgirl because there was nothing good on and ‘Life With Derek’ came on. In the episode it looked like some super important exam was coming up and Casey (or however you spell her name) was doing full on non-stop revision and Derek was procrastinating. (Sounds familiar…) Then Derek had a vision or a premonition of what his life would be like if he did badly on the exams.I didn’t actually get it, but I could tell it was bad.

So then I panicked a little and when I panic, I procrastinate and I continued to read manga whilst pretending to do a maths paper.

That night, I stayed up till about 1 or 2 am reading ‘Crescendo’, the second book of ‘Hush Hush’ to avoid sleeping, waking up and going to school, and when I finally put the book, I started obsessing over a question in the maths paper. It was probably easy and I already put an answer, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. This morning I woke up (late) and not long after 20 minutes or so, I burst into tears. Thinking of exams, revision, homework and time  management- it was all too much!

My mum heard me crying and talked to me and she helped me make some changes to manage my time better and keep focused on my work. One of those changes was to go to the library after school which I didn’t do because I hadn’t told anyone and I didn’t bring my normal revision stuff. My dad made my mood worse though, and when he heard about what I was crying about, he blamed it all on me saying that I have time for manga “and other rubbish” but not for my studies and I went to school feeling as I normally did on Monday mornings- angry… pathetic…

But then after crying a bit more and getting advice from people at school, I ended up coming home with a half grin on my face (not full. I’d never grin in public on my own) whilst thinking about my brother and his kicking. He opens door now, by the way, so I have to be always on guard. But, long story short, I cool with my dad now, I’ve de-cluttered my room and, in the process, part of my brain so I think I’m ready to start serious revision! But maybe I’ll also clean my locker- that’s a whole other story…

*Sigh…* Sometimes I wish I’ll stay a kid forever or at least be whisked away to some fictional land, where they don’t have GCSEs, on a magical adventure filled with hard-core action with swords and everything and a beautiful romance with a happily ever after.

I need to get my head out of the clouds.

As for my challenge, I think I’ve earned a good 7 points already. 5 for getting off my lazy bottom to buy a present for Cloud’s birthday (In case you’re wondering, I got her a necklace). It was the first time I’d ever gone out to a shopping center by myself on weekday and boy was it nerve-wrecking! I splashed on some subtle make to camouflage myself- I had to ‘blend in’, and quickly went around the shops in search of a gift. Let me tell you, going shopping on your own isn’t fun, especially when you get cornered by random people from Green Peace or guys trying to sell their album and make their name in the world. I was forced to talk to that guy for a good few minutes before I could escape.

The other two points were for greeting people in my church choir (which I recently joined) even though I felt like punching myself instead. They’re nice people who don’t laugh at me when I drop all my little sheet on the floor every week, but it’s just hard not to be nervous, especially when you’re me…

That’s going to be my main challenge of the week- greeting people. I’ll make a little counter thingy to take note of my points. That’s 7 so far! Not much, but a good start!

I’ll finish this post here, but maybe next time I’ll talk about my friend Phoenix because I find her really interesting. Or maybe I talk about something completely different. Well, you’ll just have to find out next time.

Again, sorry for the late post. Don’t be surprised if I don’t write a post again till the weekend, but I’ll try to post something before then. If I don’t… then I’ll give you a muffin. Is chocolate okay? 😉 Till next time.

~EpicCupcake signing out.

The Problem with English

The Problem with English

Haha!
I remembered this is school and thought, ‘I have to post this.’ So here it is! A little manga style version of a story my chemistry teacher told my class.

Just in case you’re wondering, my chemistry teacher actually used the word ‘baby teacher’. She’s a little weird, but a good teacher.

It must’ve been awkward for that guy and my teacher…

Social Anxiety: Challenge Accepted!

Social Anxiety?

Short post! (Hopefully!)

Sorry, I’m feeling a little hyper right now.

Today I was going about with my day as normal when something struck me.

They say that the best way to confront a fear is to face it. I’m not about to fill a bucket of spiders and throw my hand inside. No, I’m going to challenge social anxiety. Now, that I’m writing (typing) this, I feel like I’m going a little crazy, but I thought about it and figured that if I expose myself to ‘social’, I’ll reduce the ‘anxiety’.

So I’ve decided to do one thing every week that I would normally never do because I’m too scared to do it. Small things though. Perhaps say something to someone I wouldn’t normally open my mouth around. And to make sure I don’t get bored of it, I’ll give it a points system, like the CBT depression app thingy has. I don’t know what it is that makes points so appealing… The more daring, the more points- that’s how it’ll work.

And I guess it doesn’t have to be exclusively limited to talking to people. I could give myself a point for doing something in public I wouldn’t do or not having a panic attack if I see a spider. The other day I even dared to take a picture of the sky. Yeah, I know it’s not much of an accomplishment, but it’s something I’m scared of doing. Lame, I know.

It feels a little far-fetched though. I don’t believe that this little experiment/challenge will cure me. It probably won’t, but I think it’ll make a good start.

I’ll think of something to do tomorrow. I really hope this works because my social anxiety, or whatever this is, really bugs me and stops me from being… well, me!

~EpicCupcake signing out.