The Epic Seme Handbook

Want to be an epic seme? Check out the following rules the following rules:

  1. You must be taller than your uke.
  2. If not, wear really tall shoes or learn how to fly.
  3. You must not cry- that’s an uke thing.*
  4. You must not blush- again, that’s an uke thing. Personally, I don’t mind because blushing semes are moe.*
  5. You must not eat sweets- period.*
  6. You must have perverted thoughts about doing it with your uke everyday (or at least a few times a week).
  7. Feel free to use ropes on your uke- nothing says romance more than a little yandere-ism.
  8. You must be overprotective of your uke- remember: everyone is after him.
  9. A fujoshi may be spying on you doing ecchi stuff with your uke. Don’t stop- ignore her and continue.
  10. Your ultimate goal is to successfully pleasure your uke. Don’t let him fall asleep without giving him a night he’ll NEVER forget. 😉
  11. Don’t worry if you are younger than your uke- older uke younger seme couples are more common than you think.
  12. You must be a super sexy bishounen- if you’re not, you are wasting your time (AND mine).
  13. You must be stronger than your uke. Most ukes want a man who’ll protect them/come running to their rescue. If you are weak, pretend.
  14. You must be able to pin down a grown man with one hand. It may be tough, but practice makes perfect!
  15. And the most obvious: you must be on top- always.

*Do unless you are a chibi seme (moe… *drools*)

~EpicCupcake signing out.


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